Thanksgiving '09

Well, two days after Thanksgiving and I must say the holiday was definitely different than any other Thanksgiving. As I blogged in my last post, I planned to go to Tulsa (as usual) for the holiday. The plan was to leave Wednesday morning and come back on Sunday night. Then on Monday the reality of what that would mean for me settled in. I have a LOT of work to get done as final papers are soon due, with the rough draft of one paper due to my group members by Sunday, the PowerPoint slides due for the same paper by Saturday, and our class presentation happening on Monday. so, if i went home, i'd basically be driving 9 hours for dinner since i'd have to spend Friday and Saturday working. and then i thought about the financial aspect of it all. money's running low as the semester comes to a close, and so i need to be extra conservative with my money. i just couldn't justify the fuel expense for what would amount to dinner with the family. lastly, i decided to be honest with myself and admit i can't do everything. this semester has been a rough one and well, i can't stretch myself any further right now. i told my aunt and grandmother about my decision and they said they understood, even though i know they still wanted me to come. JE and i had a disagreement on Monday and weren't speaking, so he didn't find out until Tuesday that i wasn't planning to go. of course, this led to a discussion and at the end of it all we came to the conclusion that though people expected us to come home, our first mind was just to stay in Austin and go to Tulsa for Christmas. So, we decided to stay. to be honest with you, all i wanted to do for the holiday was get my work done and relax. i wasn't even worried about having Thanksgiving dinner. i would've been satisfied with a pot of brown beans and some cornbread (i know, it's country, but, hey, i'm from Oklahoma!)

However, somehow JE and i started planning a menu. It was a very scaled down menu, mind you, but it was a menu all the same. So, we hit up the store on Wednesday and it was, of course, a mad house. now, while i was in the store, i decided to call my aunt and check on her progress. the last time i spoke with her (on Tuesday) she was planning to drive to Tulsa on Wednesday. well, it turns out she was still at work and then it comes out that she and my grandmother had been talking last night and were still holding out hope that i would change my mind and come home. so, my aunt was thinking about coming to Austin to get me after she got off work and we go ahead and drive to Tulsa OR she would come up to Austin to be with me so i wouldn't be here alone. (she was under the impression that JE was going to Tulsa anyway, which was supposed to happen until we discussed it Tuesday night.) Now, seeing that the drive from Houston to Austin takes 2.5-3 hours, I don't know why she thought driving to Tulsa so late was an a good idea. i don't know why she didn't just say she wanted to drive up to Austin and we do Thanksgiving here. but, whatever, she says that she'll come up in the morning. when we get home from the store I start cooking and preparing stuff for the next day. and it was at that point i realized i was actually engaging in the things i'd been trying to avoid by not going home to Tulsa. *sigh* I don't know how i managed to get myself in this position, and truth be told, i just wanted to stop and lay down. but, the groceries had been purchased and i didn't want to see that food go to waste.

Thursday morning i get up, finish my dishes, JE comes in and cooks his side dishes as well as the turkey, and we wait for my aunt. By the time she got there, things were just about ready to be taken out of the oven and i was already over Thanksgiving '09. A part of me regretted not going home, but there was a part of me that was a tad salty about how i'd roped myself into working over the holiday. anyway, we start eating dinner and it's cool. it's different, but cool. i'm used to it being me, my sister, brother, at least two of my aunts, a few of my uncles, my grandmother, and one of my great uncles. after we eat dinner, JE goes into the bedroom to watch the game and i flip between The Cake Boss and The First 48 while my aunt is online. Before I know it, it's time for bed.

Saturday morning, I woke up at around 7 a.m. and check on my aunt. Turns out she's been up since 4:30 in the morning! That's her normal wake-up time, so her body was on that schedule. She wants to go to this restaurant for breakfast that i took her to last time she was here. The food is good, but there's almost always a wait that early in the morning. So, we have to leave shortly. i hadn't been planning to be up when i got out of the bed. i was intending to get right back in the bed. but, she'd come up, so i felt i had to be hospitable. but, to be honest, i didn't really feeling like going. but, i get up and get dressed anyway and off we head to Magnolia. as we're finishing breakfast, we start talking about whether i was getting a tree. i tell her we'd planned to get one, but at that point, i wasn't worried about it. at this point my mission is to make it to December 10 (the last day of classes) with my sanity intact. my aunt keeps talking about a tree and i sense she's not going to let it go until i agree to go ahead and pick out a tree. so, off to Walmart we go and pick a cute tree AND the best thing about is it only cost $35! as we're driving back home, it dawns on me that my aunt is trying to recreate what we'd be doing if we were in Tulsa as we always put up the tree the day after Christmas. i appreciate the gesture and her thought, but i don't know, i hadn't really planned to do anything over the weekend. i mean, i hadn't intended to do a thing. so, when we got back to my apartment, i laid down and JE ended up putting up the tree. at some point, i pulled myself out of my mood and my aunt and i spent the rest of the day decorating my apartment. i have a 3 collage frames that until yesterday were leaned against the wall with no pictures in them. i had pictures to put in them (or ones that could be easily developed), but hadn't gotten around to doing it. so, i put in a photo processing order at Walgreens, while my aunt and i went to Target. we got decorations for the tree, a mirror for my living room, and then headed to Hobby Lobby to pick up a few things. after that we spent the night decorating the tree, putting photos in frames, and hanging frames and sconces. i must say that even though i wasn't initially in the mood to do anything, i'm glad we got all of that stuff done. my apartment looks more homey now, and that's a good thing.

my aunt left this morning. you know, while she was here, i got the sense she didn't really care for JE. she wasn't rude or anything like that, but she seemed more guarded. then again, my aunt's a lot like me and it takes her a while to warm up to people. that being said, i know she'd like to see me and this other guy i used to date back together. and then there's a part of me that wonders if she feels some type of way about the change in dynamics. my aunt is like a second mother and so it must be different to see your "child" grow into another facet of her life. when i was in high school, i didn't date and anyone i've dated until now, the family hasn't met him. they've seen pics and i've talked about the guys, but that's the extent of it. so...that's that.

Now, I'm not sure if anyone caught this, so I'll point out that not once did i mention getting work done over the 3 days. i mean, i did get some articles read, but the most important things (i.e. the things due Saturday and Sunday) got no time. and the work was one of the main reasons i decided to stay in Austin. so, I'm working on all of that today (and tomorrow). But, the up side is that I'm much more rested than I'd be if i was in Tulsa.

until next time..

I'll do anything but...

• what I'm supposed to be doing... which is school work. I've spent the better part of the day reading one article for one class and i have 2 more to read before Monday's class, which I have no desire to attend. At any rate, this article's literally hundreds of pages? Why? Well, for whatever reason, the prof (or his TA) failed to get into PDF format like all the other articles for the class. so, we have to print it from the web, which of course takes up way more pages. and i have to write a reflection paper on this same article. and, you know, i have nothing to say about it, other than it's too long! hmmm... maybe that's something i can write about... how the article is well researched, but that after all is said and done, there's still a divide between research and practice and i'm not convinced the author is doing a great job of bridging that divide. now, how do i stretch that into a well crafted 3 page argument?
• well, it looks like i'm going home for Christmas. i know, i said i wasn't too keen on the idea. but, tonight i was texting with my aunt that lives in Ft. Worth to see if she was coming to Tulsa for T-giving. She's the mistress of ceremonies for a parade there, so she said she wasn't going to make it. she asked me if i was coming for Christmas, and i told her no because although i would have more time, i would have less money. so, she said i could drive up with her. that would mean i'd have to drive to and from her house in Ft. Worth, which is much less gas than what it takes for me to drive to and from Tulsa. so, i told her i'd think about it. then, she started mentioning how though there was no pressure, it'd be fun for us to ride together again (the last time was back in November 2007) and that she'd arrange for us to see the Bodies exhibit because it'd be showing at the same time. sooo... it looks like i'll be going. riding with her also means the trip will be short because she has to go back to work. and, you know, that's for the best. every time i go home, i end up spending more money than i'd spend if i was in whatever city i reside in.
• i went to Hobby Lobby tonight to look at decorations for the apartment. since we're putting up a tree, the rest of the apartment needs to look festive. i ended up getting overwhelmed and left with... a picture frame. LOL! we'd talked about putting purple lights on the balcony outdoors, but i wasn't sure of what theme to go with and what colors. purple and gold would be nice... if he was a Que! :-) purple and silver would be pretty too, but i didn't see enough purple decorations that i liked. all the ones i saw looked... tacky and that's definitely not the look i'm going for. really, i like the traditional colors: red, gold, green, silver, with cranberries and all of that. but, i saw some really nice blue decorations and was swayed by that. hopefully they'll be having the sale a while longer so we can go together and decide on a few things. i also looked at the cost of the fake trees... uhm, are they supposed to be over $100?! until last year, we always got a real tree at my grandparents house and they weren't that much. anyway, i saw so many cute decorations i wanted to buy all of them! (Hobby Lobby was also having a 50% off sale on most Christmas things) what i would do with them, i don't know because i'm not the decorating type (contrary to everything i just wrote in this paragraph). but, at least they'd be there. :-)
  
• all i want for Christmas is this lipstick from M.A.C. i went to the counter at Dillard's in search of a new color, preferably purple. i saw a model with purple lipstick in an Essence magazine and wanted to try something different. so, she found that color. the downside is they were out of stock. and, apparently, so is every M.A.C. i called in Austin. :-( right now i've been making due with a combo of lip liner and gloss that i bought. but, i won't be satisfied until i get that lipstick. as you can see, from time to time, i fixate on certain things that are of little importance. :-) for now, that thing is Night Violet lipstick.
  
• for one of my classes i'm writing a paper on pre-kindergarten and how charter schools are meeting this need. well, to the extent that they can. oftentimes, policies in many states prevent charter schools from offering state-funded pre-k programs. but, that's neither here nor there. i don't want to bore you with those details. i asked a principal of a charter school in New Orleans that starts with pre-k if i could interview him. he said ok, we set up a day and time. i e-mailed him on that day to confirm, and told me he forgot about a speech he had to give. i understood that because it'd been nearly a week since we'd been in contact. he then asks if we can do it the following evening, which was Thursday. i say, of course. well, i call him at the the designated time on Thursday and there's no answer on his cell. i leave a message and have yet to hear back from him. if he can't do it anymore, i need him to let me know! i have a back-up plan, but i'd really prefer to interview him because he has an insight into the very world i'm interested in. also, his school is part of a network of top performing charter schools, so it'd be great to hear from him on the issue of pre-k.
  
• i've been thinking about it and i hope i can turn the whole pre-k and charters into a dissertation topic. we're not supposed to be focused on dissertation right now, but seeing how i want to get done with school as soon as possible, i figure i'd better at least start toying with some topic ideas. i will be done with this degree by 2013!
• i was at the public library this evening and on the way out, passed by two Black men (who were presumably homeless). now, i usually have my stern face on, but you know, i decided to say hello to them. why did one have the utter audacity to squeeze my forearm as he passed me?! Dude, just because they aren't too many Black people here and it may have been a while since you saw a gorgeous Black woman ;-), does NOT mean you should put your hands on me! I didn't want to cause a scene in the library, so i just let it go and kept it moving. so much for being friendly!
  

well, i think i've killed enough time. back to work! until next time...

this, that, and the 3rd

• i mind as well shut this little blog on down, seeing as i rarely blog anymore. i wish i could say Twitter was consuming my time, but that's not it. i think i'm over being on the internet for long periods of time. at this point, i get on, do what i have to do and shut it down.
• last Wednesday was my 27th birthday. wow... it's hard to believe I'm about to, in the words of Jay-Z, "say what's up to 30." but, you know, i'm looking forward to turning the big 3-0. It just seems like people take you more... seriously when you hit 30. i guess i'll see if my hunch is correct in a few more years.
• so, i went ahead and told my aunt that JE and i were living together. the thing is she was preoccupied when i was talking to her, so i don't know if she understood that it wasn't just for a few days. LOL! oh, well, i did the best i could. or maybe she understood and didn't make a big deal out of it, which is what i was worried about. *shrug*
• i'm gearing up for this trip to Tulsa next week. i want and need to go, but i'm not looking forward to the drive or the fact that i won't be able to really rest. especially considering the fact that i'll be going back for Christmas next month. You know, i'm beginning to wonder if i really should go back in essentially one month. i'm used to spending Christmas with my family, but it's not the same anymore. it's still good to see the family, but we can do that anytime. truth be told, it'd be cool if they came here... but, i don't know how that would work out. JE prefers that I stay here and we spend the holiday together because he sees Christmas as a romantic holiday and because his family doesn't really "do" Christmas.
• we're actually going to put up a tree this year. this will make the 1st year that i've put up a tree of my own, even though i've had a few apartments of my own. it'll be nice.
  
• at one of the schools where i work, the teacher next door is always yelling at her students. now, i know there were times i yelled at my students, but they were very few and far between. so, her shouting is something i've gotten (unfortunately) accustomed to hearing. well, today she was yelling at a student and this child flipped out! he was screaming like bloody murder. i mean, it sounded like someone was being physically hurt. he was screaming, stomping his feet, kicking the cabinets... it was terrifying. i can only imagine how the students manage to work in that environment. i wanted to go over and see if things were ok, but since i'm not employed by the school, i felt like it wasn't my place. also, there was a teacher's aide who heard the whole thing and didn't go over. anyway, one of my co-workers came back from running an errand (we share a room) and i told her what happened and she said she'd seen that kind of thing happen before a few times. the thing is, that kind of thing would never happen in a middle to high income school. that teacher wouldn't be able to yell like that constantly, that child wouldn't be with that teacher, if that child does have behavior problems he would be placed in a behavioral class. I tell you, it's things like that frustrate me about the public school system AND make me want to stay connected to make a change.
  
• speaking of change, one of the students i work with is a handful! well, i should say he was a handful. now he's gotten more used to me and not so wild. but, baby, let me tell you, getting to this point has been an uphill battle! so, my job entails working with small groups of children who are having reading difficulties. this child is a 2nd time first grader and sadly, he doesn't know much of anything in terms of reading. the child still struggles with some of his letters and sounds. he also gets very embarrassed when he has to read because he's basically showing what he doesn't know. some kids at that age don't know stuff, but you can't tell them that! they'll read something confidently, even though they're completely wrong! LOL! anyway, this child would run ahead of me when i came to pick up and take him to our work room. once we got there, he wouldn't work. one day he actually ran from our work area, fell out on the floor, & burst into tears because he didn't want to write. oh, and then the other day, in the middle of a lesson he asked to go to the bathroom even though he'd gone before we started. so, i didn't let him go. he cried and told me he had to go and still i didn't let him go. the thing is, he might have had to go to the restroom, but i had the feeling he was trying to play me. a part of me felt (a little) bad for making him hold it for 15 minutes, but he had to learn the lesson. at one point he said "i'll just use the bathroom right here." so, i told him to go ahead and do it. thankfully, he didn't pull my card! anyway, after nearly a month, he's finally pulled it together and is actually working and learning. he still has his moments, but my manager came for an observation this week and she had nothing but glowing things to say about the lesson and his progress. she saw him in the beginning when he was a wild child and it was at that point she told me he was the hardest child to teach in the entire study. mind you... the study covers students in both Austin and Houston! out of the 5 teachers in Austin, i'm the one with the least amount of teaching experience, so i don't know how/why i ended up with him, but i just see it as an opportunity to show years of experience aren't everything. it also (strangely enough) makes me thankful for my rough 1st year in the classroom. so, i'm less sensitive to behavior problems and not as discouraged and stressed out by them.
  
• of course, teaching part time makes me miss teaching full time. my friends who are still in the classroom tell me i'm not missing anything. and i'm all to aware of the challenges and frustrations associated with teaching. yet, i still have a pull to go back. it's hard because there's a part of me that says just finish this degree and then i can do whatever i'd like. and then there's the other part that says to do what you really like now.
  
• i don't have any motivation to do school work. i mean, it gets done, but it's like pulling teeth for me to do it. i think it's because i'm not getting paid to go to school. yeah, yeah, yeah, one day i will be paid because of this schooling. but, that day's a loooong way off and i'm not convinced the pay off will be as great as some say it'll be...
• Am I the only one not remotely interested in seeing The Blind Side with Sandra Bullock? Lord, i'm just so tired of movies where a White man/woman comes and "saves" a Black person! I know it's based on a true story, but i just can't...
  
• so, Ste.ve Harv.ey and his wife are on the cover of Essence... sigh... i don't know how, why or when Steve became a relationship guru. i really don't. i don't knock his hustle, but i can knock the people who are eating it up and acting like he's a real authority on relationships.
  
• let's see what else to talk about... oh, yeah, Precious! so, as soon as i heard Push was being made into a movie, i was hyped. i read Push years ago and liked it. now, i didn't like subject matter, but it was a story that needed to be told and i liked the way Sapphire got the story across. so, last weekend, i went to Houston and heard that Precious was coming out that weekend. it's coming nationwide tomorrow (i think), but i didn't want to wait. anyway, i go with a friend of mine who'd been wanting to see it too. now, since i'd read Push i didn't go in with any preconceived notions about the movie being a fairy tale or a feel good movie that would have a happy ending. the story is very dark with very few bright spots. but... there was something about the way Lee Daniels adapted it to the screen that i didn't really like or understand why he chose that route to tell the story. everything was in your face and there was nothing left for the viewer to assume. for example, there's a scene where Precious is being raped by her father in a bedroom and you see her mother, played by Mo'nique (who did a bang up job, i must say. and that's saying a lot because i don't really care for Mo'nique), passing by the open doorway. so, clearly, the mother's very aware of what's happening. i just questioned why the director chose to let us know she knew in that way. there were no subtle nuances or anything in the entire movie. but, you know, perhaps that was his point: that nothing Precious' life was subtle and we had to experience this horrific life just as she did.
  

until next time...

oh, yeah! I do have a blog!

i swear, i almost forgot i had a blog. i haven't been any busier than in the past; regular everyday life has just been happening. such as: the semster's halfway over! :-) I'm getting more comfortable with being in grad school, but not completely there. in class, when i listen to my classmates, at times they come across as so much more... thoughtful/insightful than me.but, i'm getting there. i think it's a matter of finding and having the time to connect the pieces. next semester i'm taking 3 classes, so that should help me to absorb the information better... work is going ok. i can't say that i love it, but i don't hate it. it is what it is and it pays the rent. i will say that i definitely like teaching a full class more than doing intervention with 2 students. it always makes me think about my former students and wonder how they're faring. i really hope they're flourishing. i'm also less committed to going back into teaching. i feel like i need to go ahead and finish this degree so i can do whatever i'd like when i'm done... i was interested in doing a Maymester in Ghana, but it looks like it's not going to work out. i heard about it a week or so ago, and i see that the deadline is November 1. i can get the essays done in time, but the application requires a letter of rec from a professor, and i can't ask for that this late. oh, and i need to attend an info session and those have all passed. so, no Ghana in 2010. i spoke with a classmate who went this past summer, and she raved about it. so, i'll put that in my plans for spring 2011. it will also be a better time financially. so, that's that... i looked at how much i owe on my vehicle, and slowly, but surely, it's being chipped away! hooray! by this time next year, my car will be paid off. :-)... i have my back to back classes today and i really don't feel like going. they're my least favorite of the four classes. but, since i'm paying for them, i need to pull it together and go. it just feels strange coming home... i wasn't going to go home for Thanksgiving, but now i'm thinking i should. my only hesitation is that it won't feel like a break if i go home. JE and i are going back and forth about it. if we go, he wants to rent an SUV. he's a big guy and i drive a little car. so, i'm sure you can see why he wouldn't be keen on the idea of riding for over 9 hours in my vehicle. the issues that are presenting themselves are: a) when we get to Tulsa, we'll want and need to go our separate ways. so, that'd require taking two cars, and b) my aunt in Houston will probably go with me to Tulsa. so, that's another logistical thing to consider... my head just hurts thinking about it, to be honest... and... i still haven't told my family JE and i are living together. he's been here about a month and half, and i guess i'm wanting to say something about it after we've been at it for a longer amount of time. i guess so it doesn't seem like some fly by night thing. and because i'm still trying to decide if being together is better than being alone. living with someone you love especially when you've been used to living alone certainly isn't a constant walk in the park. but, you know, we're trying it out. i'm giving this until January to allow the kinks to work themselves out... i'm thinking about going to a movie tomorrow. i really want to see Precious, but since it won't be out until next week (well, assuming one of the "select theaters" is in Austin), i have to think of something else. i don't have work or school on Friday, so i'm definitely looking forward to tomorrow!

until next time...

One month...

until my birthday! Yeah, that's about the most exciting piece of news I have so far. Life is pretty much business as usual... I went to Houston last Friday to get my hair done. Yes, I drove 3 hours to get my hair done. And, it was raining the whole drive. Apparently nothing can part a Black woman from a fly style. I got it done like this. I like it, but it's taking some getting used to. I LOVE big, curly hair, but i think this might have been too much. Then again, it always takes a day or two for the hair to tame down. Anyway, as I was driving back to Austin, I realized the trip was too short. I really didn't get to spend much time with my aunt and that sucked. The main reason I came back so quickly was that I needed to read for classes. I'd been talking to JE about the fact that i feel like i'm foregoing a lot of pleasures for school. i understand the need for sacrifice, but my mind keeps going back to the fact that this degree is merely icing on the cake. I don't have to obtain it, so the sacrifices are a much harder pill to swallow... Speaking of JE, he's still here and will be until... well, indefinitely. truth be told, we'd been talking about living together for a while, but i was hesitant for a number of reasons. but, i agreed to try it and see what happens. the major thing for me is this man tells me he wants to marry me. he's been telling me that since before we started officially dating. there's still no ring on my finger, so it's not set in stone. but, i feel like if that's what's meant to happen, we need to fully explore being together and that can't happen with him being in Tulsa and me being here. anyway, living together has had it's rough spots, to say the least. We've had some intense arguments, but things are on an even keel now. the key word: communication... i haven't told anyone in my family that we're living together and am struggling with if/when to reveal that. it's funny because i'm an adult and pay my own bills and take care of myself. but, there's still that part of me that wants the approval of my family. also, there's a small part of me that wonders if living together is truly the right choice. so, that's that... Believe it or not, I'm actually at midterm for this semester. I don't know where the time has gone, but it's certainly moving quickly. We start registering for next semester's classes in a few weeks and while I don't know what I'm taking, I do know I'm only taking 3 classes. It's makes things better for all parties involved... so, i'd been considering going back to teaching after this school year is up. it's funny how much i miss it, especially considering how awful my first year was. while i was in Houston, i stopped by to visit a friend of mine, who taught me with at the other school. she's now at a new KIPP school... and hating every minute of it. it seems that her biggest issue is with the school leadership. i guess it just goes to show that issues like that will forever be present in education, no matter how stellar a program you're running. then again, this is the school's very first year and everyone has room to grow and learn. anyway, i said all of that because it made me think about the things i didn't like about teaching and wonder if going back would be the best choice for me. so, we'll see what happens... i need to start looking for a job for the summer. my part time job is over in May, so i'll need to have something in the bag well before that point... I wonder if Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs is good. I read the books to my students to teach... damn, i forget what reading comprehension I used... anyway, they loved the book, so i wonder how the movie is...

until next time...