Random Thoughts...

i was just looking at my timeline on Twitter and noticed i hadn't "heard" from some people in a while. then i remembered i unfollowed them. lol!

so, i'm in the mood to redecorate my apartment. i finally decided on a color scheme for my kitchen (orange and tan) and it's the most undone. so i guess i'll be starting there. i saw the perfect shade of orange rug at Ikea. sadly, they didn't have it in the size i need. i found this rug online, but i worry how true the color is. i'd hate to have to go to the hassle of sending it back. i'm not really keen on the idea of hunting one down, so this whole thing rug search may come to a screeching halt. i also went to Bed Bath and Beyond in search of a new bed set, which was really a mistake. that place has you wanting things you don't need. i'd been disappointed in the selection at wal-mart and Target, so BBB is my next and last resort. they always have nice, i did come see a nice bed set, but i'm hesitant to buy it. it's $150 and Lord knows i don't need to pay $150 for a bed set. however, i've had my current bed set for a looong time, so maybe i can splurge on it. i'm also ready to change out my bathroom. i'm thinking of this set. i'm unsure about it though because it's so different from what i currently have. but, change is good. so, maybe i'll make the switch.

well, it's Super Bowl Sunday. JE started buying food weeks ago in prep for this day. all i could do was shake my head at him. i have this urge to make a 7 layer dip, but Lord knows we don't know any seven layer dips!

so, i think i'm going to start locs around Spring Break. when i went to Houston last month i got another sew-in and i'm regretting it. it looks nice and all, but i think i should have stuck with working with my hair. plus, my goal of growing my hair out has been accomplished. it's a lot longer and super thick, so it's time to start wearing it out again. the thing i worry about starting locs is that i only know of one reputable natural hair place in Austin and of course, their prices are off the chain. i just don't like the idea of a monopoly. if i don't like the place, where else am i going to go? also, i really hate giving up my current stylist. she's not a natural hair stylist so i only go to her for a sew-in, a press, a roller set, etc. but, she takes really good care of your hair. so, if i started locs i would have to stop going to her.

i've gotten really lax about responding to comments. sorry about that. i get all comments in my e-mail, on my phone, and rarely make the time just for commenting. it used to be that i read e-mail only on my computer, so i was on the computer a lot more. now, if i get on it's for a particular purpose (researching, writing a paper for class, etc.) i know responding to comments is optional, but it seems rude when people don't respond to comments. it's like you're talking to yourself.

so, the AERA conference is something that people in my field attend every year. it's optional, but it's something people really should attend at least once. eventually, you'll be presenting at these conferences, so it's good to go and hear what the leading researchers in your field are saying. i'm feeling like i should go this year, but i don't know if this year would be best. attending is not free, and when i think about the hotel, registration, eating, and flight costs, i pause. i was planning to use a portion of my income tax returns on something for myself. so, really i could afford it. but, if i used it on that, i couldn't do the redecorating i want to do. also, i consider the fact that next year i'll be in a much better financial position. i'll have my car paid off, which will take a significant burden off of me and one of my credit cards will be paid off. i've been making huge payments on it to get it paid off, and so once that's done, it'll free up so much money. hmmm... so, i guess i say all of that to say i probably won't be going this year. i guess i just needed to think it through. UCEA is another conference that's smaller, but still important and occurs this October in New Orleans! i love the city, and it'll be a cheaper trip.

i have an interview for a summer job with TFA. i'm nervous about it because it's for a position that i have less experience actually doing. the position will be supporting new teachers in the program during their 5 weeks of training. i'm used to doing more "behind the scenes" work, and organizing things. but, honestly, that kind of stuff is played. i'd really like to assume more leadership roles. it's hard to get your foot in the door when it comes to leadership, so i'm really hoping i get this job. also, i'm hoping if i get it, my experience is better than the last summer position i had with TFA. that negative experience was the result of having a poor manager, but it also made me realize behind the scenes work wasn't meant for me anymore. it was/is time to move into bigger and better areas.

it's been a long time...

since i last blogged. That's due in part to not having a lot to discuss as well as a few other things going on in my life right now.

• school started back the week of the 17th... the semester seems to be much like last semester. interesting classes, lots of reading, and i'm still taking 12 hours. i'm trying to get as much of the coursework done as possible, so i'm sticking with the 4 classes. a month or so ago i was torn about it because taking so many classes and working part time took a toll on me that i don't want to deal with again. but, i think i've figured out (for the most part) how to manage the stress.
• last Thursday i went to the doctor to follow up on the blood pressure issue from late December. unfortunately, the news wasn't great. my BP was still quite high and the doctor suspected my birth control might be part of the problem. he wanted to take me off of it, but i told him that was a no-go. I have to "trust" condoms when it comes to STI protection, but when it comes to pregnancy, I need something else. so, he said that though he didn't usually go this route so quickly, he put me on medication to lower the blood pressure. we also discussed CATS (caffeine, alcohol, tobacco, salt/stress) which can lower blood pressure. I don't drink coffee or much tea and only have pop every now and then, so they aren't likely causes. I'm not much of a drinker and I don't smoke, so that's not contributing to the problem. So, that leaves salt and stress. I used to be really good at avoiding salty foods, but here lately I've gotten lax. I'd been adding salt to food i cooked, JE cooks with a lot of processed foods, and while i cook mainly from scratch, i have been known to use pre-made sauces or rice mixes that are high in sodium. so, i have to curtail that. and then, there's the stress issue. now that i have this school thing down a little better, i should be less stressed. but, i also recognize that i ruminate and worry about a lot of things. i can't help it. i'm used to taking care of myself and all that entails. so, now i have to figure out how not to be wound so tight. it's funny because people always comment on how "laid back" I am. if only they knew: still waters run deep!
• one thing the doctor didn't mention was incorporating more exercise and/or losing weight, which i thought was very odd. i was sick this past week, so i didn't get to go on my daily walks. but, they'll be resuming tomorrow! i refuse to be on this medication forever, so i gotta do what i gotta do to get my health under control. JE also got one of those medicine balls, so i'm hoping that helps with this midsection which is where i carry a lot of my weight. Anyway, thankfully, the worst is over with this illness. it's funny because i didn't start feeling sick until after i went to the doctor. it started off with a cough, then the running nose, sneezing and overall general fatigue. oh, and my cycle started at about the same time, so i was having a grand time! now it seems that JE's caught what i had. but, he seems better able to bounce back from illnesses than me. so, i'm sure he won't have it as long to get over the sickness.
• i became FB friends with one of the teachers i taught with at my last school. i was hesitant to accept the request because she's something of a gossip, but i don't much up much personal information on FB, so it's ok... I asked her how my kids were doing (because she has no qualms about point blank asking other teachers about their students). She told me that they were doing really well and that the consensus from the 2nd grade teachers is that they were sent a good class. That certainly made my day! After my less than successful first of teaching, i worried that my kids from the 2nd year would be prepared. so, i'm happy to hear they're doing well. it also makes me want to go back to the classroom. i'm just not getting the same satisfaction in my current reading interventionist position. i think my biggest issue is that since i am part of a research study, there are only certain things i can do with kids, according to whatever group they are in. for example, one student needs phonics instruction, but since he's in the guided reading group, i can't do much phonics with him. so, seeing his lack of progress is very frustrating. i mean, he is progressing, but it's at a snail's pace. anyway, i'm determined to stay the course in school, even though my heart is really in the classroom. i've just been praying to be led to a better and more fulfilling position once i'm finished with this job.
• allrecipes.com is my new best friend! i'd heard and used it before, but it's been a life saver lately. i always tell people i'm not a cook, but i know how to follow a recipe. i'd gotten tired of cooking the same old things, so i'd been using the site more regularly lately. JE cookswell, but lately he's taken to grabbing some fast food for dinner. while i appreciate the effort to ensure that we're fed, i just can't get with fast food anymore. (it doesn't taste right/good to me. even the pricier fast food like Chipotle just doesn't hit the spot.) i made the Chicken Tortilla Soup V on Thursday night and it was a hit! I was so sad to see it gone by Friday afternoon's lunch. it's taken me a while, but i've figured out what foods JE likes. key words: simple and spicy. i can do simple, but i'm not big on spicy food. i'm slowly but surely finding the right balance. i don't typically like to cook, so i suspect this little cooking spree will soon come to and end, but hey, it's nice while it lasts!
  
• what's probably contributing to this cooking spree is my out of control appetite. i've been hungry all the time here lately. typically, i can get away with eating off the kids' menu, that's the kind of appetite i have. but, this week i've felt like i have a tapeworm! hungry, hungry, hungry. maybe my body's making up from the time when i was ill and didn't feel much like eating.
• last night i had a dream that i was getting reconnected with a long lost older sister. ironically, she looked like one of my 2nd cousins, but whatever... at first i thought this was kind of strange because i know my father doesn't have any children outside of me and my sister. then i remembered how a few weeks ago i'd been praying for a mature, motherly presence in my life. let me explain, i have my grandmother and my aunts and they're great. They really are. They love me so much and i don't discount or dismiss their wisdom. but, they are some things i want to know about that i feel they can't help me with. i'm specifically talking about marriage and kids. my mom has four sisters, but only one of them has been married and none of them have children. out of my mom and her 1 siblings, my mom was the only one with kids. my aunt who is married got married later in life and she and her husband decided not to have any children. (he has a son from a previous marriage.) my grandmother was married with children, obviously. but, i feel like her experience is different. she got married by choice, but i know having 11 kids wasn't what she wanted and for a while birth control wasn't an option. i bring this up because JE wants to get married and have kids and all that jazz. on the other hand, i'm not as gung ho about it. perhaps it's an age thing. (he's 7 years older than me.) but, i also wonder if it's a personality issue. i think my biggest concern is that in the process of getting married and having kids, i'll lose me. when you have children, they are rightfully your first priority. i just know that i'm not ready for that. as for marriage, it wasn't until JE and i started dating that i even considered getting married. i always felt like you had to give up too much. granted, you gain a lot, but i always wondered if the trade off is worth it. gone are the days where women had to marry to be financially stable. i don't look to get married for added financial benefits, though they are there. i have to see benefits outside of the financial that justify marriage. that might sound selfish and maybe even too calculating, but hey, they're things i want to know. so, i've wanted to talk to someone older who made the conscience choice to get married and have children. of all my friends, only one is married with children. she's been married for almost 6 years now, but she's a bit different than me. there were four of us who were really close in high school and she was always the first we pegged to get married. and sure enough, she was married a few months after we graduated from college. being a wife and mother was always something she wanted and she was fortunate enough to find a great man who wanted those same things. anyway, i'm probably overthinking this issue...
  

well, i guess that's all for now. until next time...

this, that, and the 3rd

• I felt inspired to write a post about marriage last week... and then the inspiration left me. hopefully it'll return.
• Why is The Rock in all these Disney movies?
• Operation Repo is staged, right? This can't possibly be real.
• School starts a week from tomorrow. Lord, I don't know if I'm ready to start it all up again. I've enjoyed going to work, coming home and just having time to myself. As of now, I'm registered for 4 classes, but I'm still contemplating just taking 3. We'll see...
• So, JE and i watched Fantasia and Pepa's shows tonight. Lord, lord, lord... Teeny?! He needs to come "home" one day and find his bag (and yes, I meant to type bag. If you account for all the things he paid for with his own money, it'd fit into one duffel bag!) packed and sitting on the front steps! At any rate, we can all see where that show is headed and the reasons for Fantasia's problems. But, it won't stop people from tuning in! As for Pep's show, all i have are two words: sex sells and people will tune in, at least for a little while. As we were watching the shows, JE kept asking or confirming who was wearing a wig or rocking a weave. i had to break it to him that nearly everyone was sporting hair that did not grow from their heads. LOL!
• MySpace is the devil...
• So, I woke up at 7:25 this morning, which also happens to be the time i'm supposed to be at work. :-( The alarm was set and everything, but failed to go off. As I rushed to get ready, it dawned on me that I'm ready to not have a job where arriving at 7:30 is considered late.
• which leads me to the fact that i need to start looking for a summer job (and potentially beyond summer). i hate job hunting, i really do. but, i need to start on it now.
• when i think of my current job, I feel... disenchanted. I think I would get more from the work if i weren't part of a research study. so, since the teaching i do is part of a study, I have to follow certain conditions for instruction. so, for example, if a student isn't part of the phonics control study, I can't use anything but phonics during my instruction. when i was teaching my own classroom of students I was able to use any and everything possible to instruct them. i understand why i have to follow the limits of the study, but it does lead me to question if i'm really doing enough.
• i also have to ask myself if this job is really going to help prepare for a future career. and, well, i can't say that it will. yes, certainly it's very important to me to stay connected to the everyday world of the elementary school, students, teachers, etc. But, i don't know if this is the best way for me to do that and grow as a graduate student. one of my cohort members if very good about sending us things to think about as students in our program and i find it difficult to fully engage in everything.
• this week's episode of Hoarders isn't that interesting. i don't know if it's the situations that just aren't interesting or maybe i'm tired of watching people throwing away their garbage that's piled up in their homes.

until next time...

On Christmas '09

I know Christmas was nearly a week ago, but i had to write about my Christmas holidays. they were... interesting, to say the very least. all i can say is i hope you had a smoother Christmas holiday than I did! :-)

so, on Christmas Eve, my aunt and i attempted to drive from Ft. Worth to Tulsa. we had to turn back after 70 miles in Gainesville, TX because it was basically a white out. Oh, and my aunt's driver side wiper blade stopped working properly. Upon discovering the blade was not working, we proceeded to drive 20 mph through snow and ice searching for a open auto repair store.... on Christmas Eve. thankfully, Autozone was open until 6:00. it then took us nearly 30 minutes to find said Autozone. when we arrived, found out they didn't carry the blades for my aunt's car, as they are custom blades. However, a store employee came out and switched the blades out. We drove back to Ft. Worth and thanks be to God we made it back in one piece. The change in weather amazed me because when i arrived in Ft. Worth the day before, it was 70 degrees and the next day, there's snow and ice. smh... we get back to my aunt's house (after 7 hours on the road) and after talking to the family in Tulsa, find out Oklahoma City (a city we have to drive through to get to Tulsa) got 14 inches of snow and experienced blizzard like conditions. the weather report before we left hadn't indicated the weather would be so severe... if it had, we wouldn't have left. so, we decided to see what the weather would be like the next day. the next morning, my aunt finishes dinner and checks the traffic conditions. based on what she sees, we leave at about 1:00 p.m. and arrive in Tulsa around 11:30 p.m. The trip to Tulsa from Ft. Worth is normally no more than 4 1/2 hours. the problem came when we got to OKC, because the roads weren't great and there was bumper-to-bumper traffic leading to the turnpike and we were stuck in that for hours and hours. at this point, i was mad and sad all at the same time. mad because a) i was tired of being with my aunt. we're a lot alike and you can only be with yourselfx2 for so long (lol!) and b) i wished i'd just driven to Tulsa on Wednesday alone and skipped the stop in Ft. Worth. if i i'd done that, at that point, i'd have been at my grandmother's house, snug, warm, and fed. Instead, i was irritated, tired, had a throbbing headache, and hungry. once we get onto the turnpike, i take over the wheel and we slowly, but surely make it to Tulsa. when we arrive, the highway is covered in snow and icy patches, so much so that more often than not, we can't see the lanes. when we reach my grandmother's neighborhood, the roads were completely covered in snow. we couldn't even turn down the street to her house. we had to get there in a round about way, and even then the streets were treacherous. by the time we got in, put away food and our stuff, and i'd called JE, i was exhausted, to say the least.

These are some pictures of the snow. I took these on Monday night when quite a bit had melted, been walked through, etc.





the next day we did Christmas dinner and that was the only reason i got out of the bed and dressed. my aunt that i came with was planning to drive back to TX the next day. the very thought of getting back in the car repulsed me. i mean, it literally made me sick. so, i'd already decided i was going to ride back to TX with my aunt who lives in Houston. She'd wisely chosen to drive up on Wednesday, so she'd been there for a while. also, you have to drive through DFW to get to Houston, so it wouldn't be out of her way. also, that aunt is more... pleasant, so it'd be a more amenable ride. the thing is i didn't know how to tell DFW aunt i wasn't going back with her because i knew she would feel slighted. see, my Houston aunt and i have always been close since i was a little girl. and i know that DFW aunt has always felt some type of way about that. but, you know, i'd spent more than enough time with my DFW aunt and honestly, i can't be held accountable for other people's feelings, especially when i've done my part. Anyway, we have Christmas dinner and it was good. we did the usual turkey, dressing, corn casserole, sweet potato casserole, rolls, cranberry sauce, etc.

My grandmother

My brother and sister

Houston aunt and my brother

Me and my brother

Sunday was more of the same from Saturday. DFW aunt decided to stay another day, in part because she knew i wasn't ready to go. i told her i was thinking about going back with Houston aunt. she said ok, but still wanted me to go with her to see The Rockettes. at that point, i wasn't feeling it in the least bit. when i arrived in TX, i just wanted to go home. i was ready to see JE, be back in my own bed, with my own things, and in pleasant weather. don't get me wrong, i enjoyed being with my family, but i was over hopping from one place to another. completely over it. so, either i was going to stay in Tulsa or go straight home. i ended up spending one more day (Monday) in Tulsa, went to my first Kwanzaa program, and just enjoyed my last few moments in Tulsa. in spite of the weather, i'd enjoyed my time with the family. We were at home the entire time, save for a run to Walgreens and picking my brother up from work, but it was a good time nonetheless. The only thing I regretted was not seeing a few friends, but the residential roads were nothing to play with, so i'll catch them next time!

Tuesday morning my aunt and i began the trek to Dallas. there was a forecast for snow there, but the temperature was going to be well above freezing, so we weren't too concerned about making it out of there. well, turns out we should have been concerned. there wasn't sticking snow or ice, but it was messy out there and not ideal for making the 3 hour drive to Houston or Austin. so, we decided to stay in Ft. Worth at my aunt's house. let me tell you, by the time we made that decision i was very ready to be home. i was on the verge of tears about prolonging my trip home. As grateful as i was to have a place to stay in Ft. Worth, i was over and done with inclement weather. Oklahoma weather is known for changing dramatically, but i can't recall it ever being so bad. hopefully this is the last time we ever experience anything like that. anyway, Wednesday morning i was able to leave Ft. Worth and drove back to sunny Austin.

Being back in Austin felt oh, so good! It was sooo good to see JE again. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, that's for sure. :-) We went to a tattoo parlor because JE's decided he wants to get several. i was against it, at first, because i thought it was something he'd thought of due to having too much free time on his hands. After some prodding it came out that they're a way to cover up the past. I mentioned this a while ago, but JE has a checkered past, and has subsequently accumulated some battle wounds from said past. now, whether or not he goes through with it remains to be seen. but, i can respect the choice. anyway, we did that, bought groceries, cooked dinner, watched T.V. and made up for a week's worth of lost... intimacy. ;-)

Now, we're at New Year's Eve night and i have no idea what we're going to do tonight. I'm thinking nothing, which is ok, i guess. Typically, I go to church, but I don't know if I'm up for Watch Meeting service. Whatever you all choose to do, be safe and Happy New Year!

until next time...

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I'm watching this documentary on McDonald's. It's making me want some fries, but God knows I don't need them, esp. after my doctor's visit. so, i had to get my prescription for my birth control refilled. my ob-gyn in Houston gave me a sample and a prescription for 3 months and i was supposed to go back, but obviously i couldn't do that. anyway, i decided to go to Planned Parenthood because I could get an appt. today, the office visit is the same as the co-pay with my insurance and well, a part of me wanted to experience Planned Parenthood for myself (people talk about it all the time and i wondered what the experience was like). anyway, i went in, answered the requisite questions about my sexual history and all that jazz. everything was good to go, until the end when she said my blood pressure was high. she took it with a larger cuff and it was still a little high. i've had issues with this in the past, but got it under control. i have to be really careful with this since my grandmother has high blood pressure issues and my mother had issues with them as well. actually, her untimely death was the result of hypertension. so, i have to get this under control with a quickness. i'm trying not to get worked up over it, but it is making me nervous.

Tomorrow morning i'm heading out to Ft. Worth to spend some time with my aunt before we head to Tulsa on Christmas Eve. we're going to see the Bodies exhibit and whatever else my aunt has planned, in addition to the cooking and preparing stuff to cook on Christmas Day. i' don't feel like driving, but i know i need to go. so, i'll be on the road bright and early tomorrow morning! hopefully the GPS navigation on my phone will work properly tomorrow. i used it today to get to Planned Parenthood and the directions came up on the screen and the voice talked to me, but when i was 5 minutes away from the location, it just stopped. so, i ended up passing by since it was located in a shopping center. and, of course, the shopping center is located in a busy area, so i had to drive down and back around to get there.

speaking of phone problems, i'm leaning more and more towards getting another type of smart phone, namely the I.phone. i was looking at the cost of the plans, and my service with Sprint is the best bang for my buck. BUT, all these problems with Research in Motion are working my very.last.nerve. A few days ago and yesterday, data service was down, so that meant lags in e-mail, i couldn't use FB, browse the web or use any apps, etc. i was annoyed with that, but not too much because i didn't need to have access to those things immediately since i'm on vacation. but, this evening, the data service was down AND i couldn't make outgoing calls. i could receive calls just fine, but forget about actually calling anyone. i can make calls now, but it's completely unacceptable. i can only imagine how people feel who actually use their BB for business. so, on to the IPhone... i realize it's not the only smart phone, but i like it the best. since i have a Ipod Touch and it's much like the iphone (from what i understand), i like it a lot: the interface, the speed, etc. Only thing is the plan with AT&T is about $20 more than what i pay each month. my other issue is with the touch screen. it's cool, but i prefer a regular QWERTY keyboard. so, i don't know... my plan with Sprint isn't up until April (sadly), so i have a LOT of time to make a move (or not).

uhm, i'm kinda embarrassed to admit this, but i'm having visions of a long, curly weave dancing in my head. LOL! in the past, the hair i had from pics from my trip to Amsterdam were as long as i've gone. right now, it's that same curl pattern, but a little shorter than... oh, never mind, that pic's no longer up there. LOL! anyway, it's cut right at my ears now. i like it short and it's certainly more manageable, but there's something about length that gets me all geeked up. right now, i'm fixated on this hair (if you click on the link, skip to 5:40). the thing is, that's A LOT of hair and the other issue is since my hair is natural, blending it will be a hassle. my stylist could do style so none of my hair is left out, but i'm concerned it'll look too much like a wig. anyway, i'm sure none of you are concerned about the trials and tribulations associated with a weave, so i'll move on.

JE's staying here while i go to Tulsa, and i feel kinda bad about leaving him behind. but, in order for him to come, he'd want to rent a car and well, the funds aren't there for that. i feel kinda bad about basically insisting that we stay here for Thanksgiving. had i known he wouldn't see his family for either holiday, i might have made another decision. then again, he's said that he isn't really pressed about going home for Christmas since his family doesn't really "do" Christmas. so... God only knows when he'll be going back to Tulsa. honestly, though, a part of me thinks that being away from Tulsa for a while may be good for him. hmmm... i was going to go into why i feel that way, but it'd require me to reveal too much about JE's life and i try not to use my blog to detail someone else's business. my business is fine, but i try to be careful with someone else's. so, i'll leave it at that for now.

oh, i was sooo excited to get notification i'd be getting a bonus from HISD! i know i don't work for the school district anymore, but when i was working there, teachers were eligible for incentive pay (ASPIRE awards) based on the gains they made with their students and gains made by the school as a whole. the award is for the 2008-2009 school year, but it's not paid out until January 2010. (i know, it's a mess, but what can you do?) and... your girl is getting a hefty award! well, that is before the taxes are taken out of it. either way, it's money i wouldn't have before. of course, i didn't work with my students for the award, but it's certainly nice to have esp. now that i'm a broke graduate student.

i'm not taking my laptop with me when i go to Tulsa, so this will be my last post before Christmas. so, i wish you all a very Merry Christmas! Enjoy the time with your family and friends!

until next time...