I get it custom, you a customer...

• JE and i decided to have some professional pics taken and man, I kinda wish I hadn't said I would look into it. I've found several photographers, but it's a hassle going to sites, looking at prices, comparing policies regarding printing, etc. also, it feels strange taking photos and sending the money when we're not, you know... engaged or anything. then again, i am kinda excited about it. i haven't had professional photos taken since i was in high school. 
• we went to Tulsa last weekend to attend JE's uncle's funeral. the trip turned out rocky, but at the end, it was all good. i took JE to meet my father, and my father actually liked him. that's saying a lot, because he doesn't really like too many people. my father was also in much better spirits than he was when i saw him in May. apparently he's feeling better about his brother's death. 
• speaking of his brother's passing, it seems that my father was listed as beneficiary on his life insurance policy. my father called me about a month ago and told me this, and said that he wanted to use the money to buy a house for me, my sister, and brother. of course, i was skeptical because i really didn't think he was receiving enough money to purchase a home. and, you know, he has a tendency to flake out on me. sooo... no point in getting my hopes up. so, when I saw him last week, he showed me the check he'd just gotten from the life insurance policy, and said he still planned to use that and some money from another policy to give to us. now, it wasn't a HUGE sum of money, but you know, it was something. so... we'll see. i haven't told my siblings about it because i don't want them to be disappointed. and i'm also not getting my hopes about the whole thing, that's for sure.
• i just paid my car off last November, and now i think i want a small SUV. the thing is, i do NOT want a car payment, and i can't afford another car right now. so, clearly, i'm getting nothing... right now. but, it's something to plan for the future.
• schools starts back next week, and just the thought has me tearing up. i know, i know, i'm being dramatic. but man, saying I LOVED this summer off would be a vast understatement. i worked a few hours a week and that was it. money was a little tight towards the end, but everything has worked out. most importantly, though I've been pretty stress free.... and the thought of giving that up just... hurts my soul. 
• so, P90 is slow going. to be honest, i'm not following the diet plan they recommend, because my diet is pretty good. (my weakness is sugar, so i'm thinking i need to go on another detox.) i just need to work on actually working out consistently. going out of town last weekend threw me off my schedule and i came back sick with a head cold, so i haven't stuck to it this week. that being said, i'm not impressed (yet) with the results. i think i need to set up the intensity, and get back on schedule. however, my body does feel a lot better and when I do the work-outs, I'm not feeling as wiped out as i did when i first started. so, i'm hoping i see some weight loss results later down the road, hopefully by this time next month.
• even though it's nearly three months away, i'm already excited about going to Savannah with my friends from college in early November. as usual, i'm the trip planner, but that's just the way it goes. we were trying to make a trip this summer, but it's not gonna work out, unfortunately. 
• no lie, i was kinda hoping that NFL lock out lasted a bit longer. i'm going to say R.I.P. to being able to watch whatever i want on game days. :-(
• i haven't figured out how to do it (yet), but i've GOT  to work for myself. i'm grateful to have a job that pays me what i'm worth, but i know i'm destined for more.

best thing i never had...

When I first started blogging, I used to write about this guy I named Mr. Not Right Now (aka Mr. NRN). we used to be really close... would talk every day on the phone, experienced the death of our parents (my mom, his dad) less than a year apart. and just vibed. it was a long distance thing, but still managed to be close. until, this incident. so, I cut off all ties with him. he'd beg to get back with me, and then when he realized i wasn't going for it, he stopped contacting me. about a year and a half later, i finally forgave him for everything and would at least respond to his texts and eventually answered his calls. he didn't call or text often and the conversations were not as intimate as they once were. but, I was cordial. most times we spoke, he lamented how he wished he hadn't messed things up with me. i basically told him i'd moved on and there was nothing he could do. back in the fall, we spoke a few times and he mentioned he was dating someone, but that he held against her that she wasn't me, blah, blah, blah. i told him that wasn't fair and that he needed to giver her a chance, especially since we weren't getting back together and because this woman really seemed to like him. then, in May (of this year), he texts me and says that he's thinking about asking his girl to marry him. i encourage him to go for it, as long as he really wants to marry her. he replies, "I do want to marry her, but I want to marry you more." Ok, so in the interest of full disclosure, at that time JE and I were going through that rough patch and I thought we were going to break up. so, i told him that i wouldn't be interested in pursuing things right now because we were both in relationships, but if we stopped seeing our significant others, i wouldn't date him on the previous terms. he said that he had changed and wasn't afraid to be with me anymore, blah, blah, blah. he then  promises (if i say her could come), that he'll come to Austin to spend time with me. after that, i didn't hear from Mr. NRN and i didn't contact him. in the meantime, things with JE had gotten much better and I'd written MR. NRN off as full of hot air.

well, a few days ago, he was suggested as friend on FB. I added him ( to be nosy). and then on Saturday morning I get a text from MR. NRN and he says that he saw that i added him as a friend, and that he wanted to touch base and let me know he had tied the knot and did i still want to add him. apparently, he thought it wouldn't be fair for me to find out on FB.

ok. stop here, and let's review. In May of this year, he was talking to me about dating. he was talking all this noise about missing me, i was the best thing for him, etc. And here we are in August, and he's married. after he asked if i wanted to be added, i congratulated him and said it was up to him if he wanted to approve the request. really, i didn't want to ever speak with him again, BUT i needed to satisfy my curiosity about his marriage. honestly, i thought he was lying. but, no, sure enough, this fool has been married for a little over a month. it turns out that they got engaged over a year before the wedding. (i kinda thought it was a wedding done on short notice.)  so, while he was stating he was thinking about marrying her, but unsure about her because she wasn't me, etc. he was actually engaged to be married! while he was telling me he was coming to visit me, he was planning a wedding that was about two months away!!!! clearly, everything he told me was a lie, but for him to even sit there and think up these lies is just... scary.

after i put all the pieces together, i felt sick to my stomach. I wasn't angry about him lying to me because I didn't have feelings for him anymore. as i looked at their wedding pics (I wasn't stalking, the link was on his FB page), I didn't feel sad and wonder, "Why not me?" I knew things weren't meant to flouish between us. but, it was the deception that got to me. i thought about his wife and assumed she was clueless about his doubts and conversations with other women. (i don't know if he was talking to any other women, but at this point, i don't put anything past him.) i mean, can you imagine taking engagement pics and planning a wedding (and for the rest of your life) with a man (or woman) who is telling another wo/man how much he wants to be with her? his duplicity just blew my mind. and, then (and this may sound crazy to some), i prayed for their marriage. I don't wish any ill will on either one of them and I definitely don't hope they end up divorcing. honestly, i still believe in marriage and what it represents.

i then sent him a text, telling him that i was never contacting him again because i couldn't fathom associating with someone who was such a liar. i know it was unnecessary and that he wouldn't (and shouldn't) care. but i didn't want him to think i was unaware of what he'd done. he didn't respond to my text, but when I went to block him on FB, i saw he had already unfriended me. i suspect he thought i was going to tell his wife about everything. of course, i had no intention of doing that. but, it did show me even more about his character (or lack thereof). as I'd planned, i went ahead and  blocked him on FB, deleted his number from my phone, and blocked his number from texting or calling me. i've purged numbers from my phone before, but never blocked someone completely. then again, i've never dealt with someone who's such a low-down lying dog.

at the end of the day, this whole thing has just re-affirmed that JE is who I'm meant to be with... i mean, i already knew that, but you know, sometimes we need gentle (or glaring!) reminders of the truth. and, i'm just thankful i dodged a bullet... until next time...