running on "e"...

Thanksgiving break can not get here fast enough! this time last year i'd already taken 3 days off from work and while i've considered it several times this school year, i have yet to take a day off. i keep telling myself just 3 1/2 more days. one of my students today... my God, my God, she worked my last nerve!!! her mother's preferred method of contact is e-mail, so i e-mailed her and it took everything in me not to tell her child was acting a plum fool. the thing is, she's a sweet child, but she's far, far, behind and as the work gets harder, she gets more off task. i actually met with her mother last week and recommended that she go back to kindergarten. i'm a firm believer in working hard with my students, but this child doesn't even know her letters or numbers, among other things. her mother agreed she should go back and said she would talk to the assistant principal. one week later and said child's still in my classs. mom e-mailed me back and told me she'd talked to the a.p. last wednesday (after our meeting) and was told her child would be moved the next day. *sigh*we'll see what happens tomorrow. the thing that's killing me about today is that it was an early dismissal day and yet it was still tiring. i can only imagine what the next few days will be like.

i took my twists down yesterday and decided to work with my hair as it is instead of getting it braided again. after i took it down, washed it, and put a few products on it, i just can't start relaxing it again. that being said, i'm not entirely happy with it as is. it's frustrating, to say the least.

i sent CO's b-day gift on Monday. but to be honest, right now i don't care if he likes it or not. i know this feeling stems from the fact that i'm feeling some type of way about the relationship right now. what type of way would that be? in a word: tired. hmmm... i guess tired could sum up how i'm feeling in general right now.

i got a flu shot about a month ago and i swear ever since, i've been on this cycle of getting sick, feeling better, and then feeling sick again. yesteday i left school at about 3:40, which is the earliest i've ever left school. i was checking my e-mail at the end of the day and i almost fell asleep sitting at my desk. my body just felt sooooo tired. today i feel a lot better, but not my best. i almost wish i'd just gotten the flu so i can get really sick once and then get over it as opposed to this shit.

i got home today and a notice from my apartment complex that i was $150 delinquent on my rent. now, i have my rent sent via online bill pay like clockwork, so i know i'm not behind. but, i know i'm human and subject to error, so i went back and double and triple checked and from what i can see, they're wrong. it's just so annoying that i'll have to take time out of my day tomorrow to get to the bottom of the issue.

i asked my former program director from t.f.a if she'd write me a letter of recommendation for grad school. she basically told me no and for some reason reading that annoyed me to no end. i think it's because she said she didn't feel like she could do my justice because she hadn't the opportunity to see the growth compared to last year. now, last year was not a good year, i'll admit that whole-heartedly. but, you know, it's quite jarring to read (albeit implicitly) that a person has nothing positive to say. so, i had to drum up a 3rd letter of rec. i finally decided to ask one of my friends and a fellow t.f.a teacher if she'd write it as my colleague. (read: i'll write the letter and you sign and send it).

until next time... hopefully i'll be in a better mood...

Honest Blogger

Many, many days ago. j.a.c. at Zuri She Wrote nominated me for the Honest Blogger award. of course, the award is essentially a meme. but, i'm glad to be tagged... i mean, nominated. :-) Per the rules, I'm supposed to list 10 honest things about myself and then "nominate" 7 other bloggers. well, i'm only going to do the former. i'm not doing the latter because a) this meme had it's heyday a few weeks ago and most of the people i would nominate have already done and b) the people i would like to tag don't do memes. so, that's that... anyway, i tried to think of things i'd never talked about on my blog before. it was kinda hard because i've discussed a lot in the 2+ years since i've been blogging. here goes...

1. Even though I know it's not meant to be and would never work out between the two of us, my mind does drift and play the "what if?" game... you know, the one where you wonder what things would be like if you were back with a former boyfriend/girlfriend. after my mind drifts there, i wake up and realize things would probably be the same as they were when we parted ways and i wouldn't be happy.
   
2. growing up, i considered myself a certified ugly duckling. i don't think it was until senior year of high school/freshman year of college that i honestly thought i was attractive.
3. i was 21 and in the last semester of my senior year at Spel.man when i "lost my virginity" (i hate that term and don't know know why people say it's "lost.") when i entered college at 17 i was convinced pre-marital sex was the devil. as i started dating and just growing up, my mind changed. then i began to think i needed to be in love with the first person i had sex with; again, my mind changed. lol... my first was a guy i was only casually dating and had known for only a few months. honestly, though, it was the best situation. for one, we both knew the situation was temporary and that was ok. second, i truly didn't feel like he was using me for sex. it was a natural part of our relationship. and lastly, every woman has one man who helps her to understand expressing her sexuality is a perfectly good thing. so, i'll always thank him for helping me see the latter. and the guys i've dated since should thank him too! lol... ;-)
4. i despise being called "boo." this guy i used to casually date called me that just once and i immediately lost respect for him. i know, i know, it's judgemental and extreme, but i just do not like being called "boo." i can't quite put my finger on why i hate it so much.
5. i've never been in love before. i've liked or had much affection for men i've dated, but i've never been in love.
   
6. one of my favorite phrases is "well, that's neither here nor there." i was talking to my brother last week and he said it and i cracked up. gotta love it!
   
7. when i talk to people about marriage, i put forth this front that i'm not at all interested in getting married anytime soon. on the real, though, i'm more interested than i let on. deep down, i know that day's a long way off for me (for various reasons) and things will happen in God's time, it's still kinda.... frustrating (i think that's the right word). i think if i were engaged, i would feel less this way. i know, i know, it's silly. but, it's my truth, all the same.
   
8. kinda connected to the previous truth is that i am not very patient. teaching first grade has forced me to get better about it. but, by and large, i don't have time for illogical and undisciplined thought. both trains of thought waste a tremendous amount of time and i can't stand it. my one saving grace is that while i may be seething on the inside, on the outside i appear calm, cool and collected.
   
9. uhm, i don't like blogs or posts when the author does poetry. i can respect that poetry is someone's passion, but i'm just not feeling it. that being said, i do like poetry written by say, Langston Hughes or Maya Angelou. but, i can't get into the amateur variety. that being said, even the greats started out as amateurs, so, there's hope!
   
10. in game shows whenever the contestant(s) are Black, i always root for them and hope they'll win. i've been doing that since i was in high school.

until next time...

weekend wrap up

i really wasn't going to post tonight, but i changed my mind. why? well, i guess because i felt like writing. anyway, the weekend was ok. as i mentioned in my last post, i had the immense pleasure of seeing Maxwell last Friday. his was the 4th concert i've been to this year and i must say i enjoy concerts a lot. they're pricey, but i haven't been disappointed yet. next up is Anthony Hamilton next month at House of Blues. too bad he's not sexy like Maxwell. oh, well, i can't everything my way. before i went to the concert, i went shopping with my friend and went off my spending diet. she spends money like water, so it wasn't best the best idea to shopping with her. and when i say i went off my spending diet, i went way off. i bought these and while they're just my style: stilettos, peep toes, with a funky design, i'm probably going to take them back. they're just too expensive and i can't justify the purchase.

i took the GRE on Saturday and performed terribly. i feel like i wasted $140. :-( i mean, i wouldn't be able to apply to grad school w/ that exam, but still... i'm grateful i've already successfully completed grad school and have to speak to my aptitude for grad school. nevertheless, it still disappoints me. a part of me is hesitant to apply to some of the schools i had in mind because they're top schools and my scores are not up to par. of course, their websites say the don't have GRE cut off scores, but still...

on Sunday i actually got school related stuff done early in the day and in the evening i went out to see my aunt. we went and had dinner and dessert for my birthday. it was good, as always to see her. while i was out with my aunt, one of my Spel.man sisters (the one who got married a few months ago) called me. we'd been playing phone tag the past few days. anyway, she called and told me was calling to say hello and to see if we (meaning our group of friends) could plan a reunion. she sounded for the most part like her normal upbeat self. but, her question about a reunion struck me as odd. i got the impression she was feeling a little lonely. i know she's happily married, but there is something to be said for having your sisters. i've been praying that she adjusts well to her new city and life.

before i went out to see my aunt, i formally cut ties with the DD. now, i was over and done with him several months ago. i went ahead and told him i had a boyfriend and kept it moving. i deleted his number and didn't look back. in September he texted me and asked if i was planning to go out that night (Friday). i told him i was, even though i was only really spending the evening getting my hair braided. he then texts me and says he was feeling a little under the weather and was hoping to get some TLC. i just rolled my eyes and deleted all his messages.

then, a few days after Ike hit he texted me to see if i was alright and i told him i went to austin to be with CO and was in Tulsa and left it at that. in between that time he would text me random forwards. note: i despise forwards sent via text! i don't know who thought they were a good idea. anyway, on Sunday i get a series of texts from dude asking me how i'm doing and saying that he hasn't heard from me in a while and wishes he could see me. i went ahead and deleted those texts. several hours later he calls me and i let it go to voicemail. the message he left further confirmed how dense he is. basically he tells me that while he understands my "friend" and i are together, he needs me to tell him if i still want to communicate with him because he's not good at reading between the lines and he doesn't know what to gather from unanswered texts. his message confused me. he was acting like we we had been dating seriously. or that we were even really good friends. i'll admit i could (and perhaps should) have been more of an adult and told him a while ago to lose my number. however, i assumed that he'd get the hint when i stopped contacting him. apparently, i shouldn't have made such an assumption. anyway, after his little voicemail, i told him i was doing well and hoped he was doing the same. he asked me if i wanted us to stop contacting one another. i told him that would be best, not b/c i had a boyfriend, but because i really didn't think we had enough in common to be friends. he then tells me my silence was his answer, he wished me well, that i'd be missed, he was erasing my phone number and (the clencher) he suggested i do the same (erase his number). it took everything in me not to let him he was no longer desired or required and that his number had long been erased. *sigh* people can be a mess. then again, this all could have been avoided had i just told him to stop calling me a long time ago.

not much else to report, i suppose. school is going fine, although i am very ready for Thanksgiving break (10.5 more days!) and seeing my family again. little things have been happening that let me know i'm becoming more absent minded and need a break: 1)i went to the grocery with the express intent of buying ingredients for spaghetti. i managed to spend 20 minutes in the store and drive home before realizing i'd failed to purchase the meat for the sauce, 2) i usually pay for my gas at the pump, but last week, i had to go inside. after i got back outside i got in my car and almost drove off without actually pumping my gas, and 3) i went to the store, bought a few random things, paid for my purchases, and walked towards the door--- without my actual purchases. there's one thing i know about myself: do not do anything of substance while tired. some people are able to do it, but i just make too many mistakes.

tomorrow's my 26th birthday and i don't have anything planned. i never plan things for my birthday, which is fine. i started to take the day off, but changed my mind. i'll probably write another post tomorrow. then again, maybe not. :-) until next time...

This Man's Work...

Yesterday was a mildly stressful and sad day. The mother of one of my students almost made me cuss her out and that evening i said goodbye to my friend who's being sent to Amsterdam for her job. the day wasn't terrible, but i definitely needed a pick-me-up at the end of the day. And I must say seeing Maxwell live did the trick (and then some!) The man can certainly put on a performance. He danced, of course. However, I'd have been satisfied if he sat on a stool and sang. At times his voice literally took my breath way. The way the audience was acting you'd have thought his last album was released yesterday as opposed to seven years ago. Listening to him made me miss that good R&B]ne-soul. there's no one like him on the music scene right now. Oh, and it goes without saying he's sexy as hell! lol... i liked the 'fro he was rocking 7 years ago, but i'm also loving the clean cut he's sporting now. either way, he could get it! :-)

and, uhm, speaking of getting it, i'll leave you with the song that while not necessarily guaranteeing a man will get some if he plays this, it does greatly increase his chances. ;-)



until next time...

Simply Stated...

However You Like...

I'm sure many of you have seen this, but if not, here's a lighthearted look at politics. Gotta love the kids!



I'll be back soon with an actual post. until next time...