just checking in...

not much going on here... i've been in Tulsa since last Thursday and will return on Thursday... trip hasn't been bad, per se, it's just been... interesting. I will say that this trip has shown me why i only need to come to Tulsa 3-4 times per year MAX. at this point, i'm already at 3 visits, and there's still Thanksgiving and Christmas visits. a part of me wants to stay in Texas for Thanksgiving and not come back until Decemeber... we'll see how i feel in November... i've been doing fairly well with the exercise thing... i don't know why it was so hard for me to get myself together in Austin... *shrug* I'm hoping that I can keep it up when I go back... I can NOT be a housewife and i'm questioning whether or not I could even be a stay at home mom. I need something to do. I've been inactive the past 3 weeks and i'm about to go stir crazy!... Jagged Edge (that's the blog name for the bf, I'll explain the name later... probably) and I got some CRAZY news a few days ago... i won't/can't say what it is (i will say it's not any of the following: i'm pregnant or he has some heretofore unknown children), but it threw us through a loop. we've recovered (for the most part) from it, but let's just say Sunday afternoon and evening were not happy times... so, last month, my aunt mentioned to my grandmother that i was going to see my father. now, i had only recently shared that info w/ my aunt, and i forgot to tell her not to mention it to anyone else. my reason for that is there's still some bad feelings towards him and i didn't want any outside influences get in the way of me getting to know him. well, yesterday my grandmother just had to recount something negative that happened between her and my father YEARS ago. i don't know exactly how long ago it happened, but i'd been it at LEAST 15 years ago. anyway, after she shared that little tidbit, i told her that because i knew she'd have something negative to say is exactly why i hadn't let her know i was going to see him. she didn't say anything to that. the whole thing made my blood boil... we went to Yahola, Oklahoma, which is where my mom and grandfather are buried. it was good to go, but i had a massive sinus headache, so we didn't say as long as we'd have liked... has that Drake CD dropped yet? for some reason i haven't been able to find his mixtape. oh, how i wish i was still living in Atlanta!... my brother started his college courses today! it's so cool and odd for me to see this happening. i used to change his diapers and here he is in college!...i really want to take a break from all forms of electronic access--- texts, e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, everything... this is the only time i wish i didn't have a BlackBerry. i feel too accessible and too... plugged into alternate realities. Can we just live our real lives?

until next time...