best thing i never had...

When I first started blogging, I used to write about this guy I named Mr. Not Right Now (aka Mr. NRN). we used to be really close... would talk every day on the phone, experienced the death of our parents (my mom, his dad) less than a year apart. and just vibed. it was a long distance thing, but still managed to be close. until, this incident. so, I cut off all ties with him. he'd beg to get back with me, and then when he realized i wasn't going for it, he stopped contacting me. about a year and a half later, i finally forgave him for everything and would at least respond to his texts and eventually answered his calls. he didn't call or text often and the conversations were not as intimate as they once were. but, I was cordial. most times we spoke, he lamented how he wished he hadn't messed things up with me. i basically told him i'd moved on and there was nothing he could do. back in the fall, we spoke a few times and he mentioned he was dating someone, but that he held against her that she wasn't me, blah, blah, blah. i told him that wasn't fair and that he needed to giver her a chance, especially since we weren't getting back together and because this woman really seemed to like him. then, in May (of this year), he texts me and says that he's thinking about asking his girl to marry him. i encourage him to go for it, as long as he really wants to marry her. he replies, "I do want to marry her, but I want to marry you more." Ok, so in the interest of full disclosure, at that time JE and I were going through that rough patch and I thought we were going to break up. so, i told him that i wouldn't be interested in pursuing things right now because we were both in relationships, but if we stopped seeing our significant others, i wouldn't date him on the previous terms. he said that he had changed and wasn't afraid to be with me anymore, blah, blah, blah. he then  promises (if i say her could come), that he'll come to Austin to spend time with me. after that, i didn't hear from Mr. NRN and i didn't contact him. in the meantime, things with JE had gotten much better and I'd written MR. NRN off as full of hot air.

well, a few days ago, he was suggested as friend on FB. I added him ( to be nosy). and then on Saturday morning I get a text from MR. NRN and he says that he saw that i added him as a friend, and that he wanted to touch base and let me know he had tied the knot and did i still want to add him. apparently, he thought it wouldn't be fair for me to find out on FB.

ok. stop here, and let's review. In May of this year, he was talking to me about dating. he was talking all this noise about missing me, i was the best thing for him, etc. And here we are in August, and he's married. after he asked if i wanted to be added, i congratulated him and said it was up to him if he wanted to approve the request. really, i didn't want to ever speak with him again, BUT i needed to satisfy my curiosity about his marriage. honestly, i thought he was lying. but, no, sure enough, this fool has been married for a little over a month. it turns out that they got engaged over a year before the wedding. (i kinda thought it was a wedding done on short notice.)  so, while he was stating he was thinking about marrying her, but unsure about her because she wasn't me, etc. he was actually engaged to be married! while he was telling me he was coming to visit me, he was planning a wedding that was about two months away!!!! clearly, everything he told me was a lie, but for him to even sit there and think up these lies is just... scary.

after i put all the pieces together, i felt sick to my stomach. I wasn't angry about him lying to me because I didn't have feelings for him anymore. as i looked at their wedding pics (I wasn't stalking, the link was on his FB page), I didn't feel sad and wonder, "Why not me?" I knew things weren't meant to flouish between us. but, it was the deception that got to me. i thought about his wife and assumed she was clueless about his doubts and conversations with other women. (i don't know if he was talking to any other women, but at this point, i don't put anything past him.) i mean, can you imagine taking engagement pics and planning a wedding (and for the rest of your life) with a man (or woman) who is telling another wo/man how much he wants to be with her? his duplicity just blew my mind. and, then (and this may sound crazy to some), i prayed for their marriage. I don't wish any ill will on either one of them and I definitely don't hope they end up divorcing. honestly, i still believe in marriage and what it represents.

i then sent him a text, telling him that i was never contacting him again because i couldn't fathom associating with someone who was such a liar. i know it was unnecessary and that he wouldn't (and shouldn't) care. but i didn't want him to think i was unaware of what he'd done. he didn't respond to my text, but when I went to block him on FB, i saw he had already unfriended me. i suspect he thought i was going to tell his wife about everything. of course, i had no intention of doing that. but, it did show me even more about his character (or lack thereof). as I'd planned, i went ahead and  blocked him on FB, deleted his number from my phone, and blocked his number from texting or calling me. i've purged numbers from my phone before, but never blocked someone completely. then again, i've never dealt with someone who's such a low-down lying dog.

at the end of the day, this whole thing has just re-affirmed that JE is who I'm meant to be with... i mean, i already knew that, but you know, sometimes we need gentle (or glaring!) reminders of the truth. and, i'm just thankful i dodged a bullet... until next time...

20 feet tall...

• soooo glad that Google decided to stop hating and allow my blog to update on other people's blog rolls! i don't use my blog for money generating purposes, but it's still nice to interact with people. 
• I finally picked up my comprehensive exam last week. yay for progress! next step: actually working on it. *shrug* I have a month to get it done, but I shouldn't wait that long, especially since it's been nearly 2 years since I took a few of the classes. I have all the material, and will be able to pull something together, but I definitely need a refresher on how to apply them to the topic I've chosen.
• Oh, how I wish I wasn't inept at doing my hair. Each and every time I try to do my own hair it looks a hot mess. I'm able to do a lot of things for myself, so I guess I'll have to be ok with leaving the hair to the professionals. 
• one of my classmates has been raving about DropBox for the past 6 months or so. maaan, i've been sleeping on this tool! If you want to be able to have files available to you from any computer or your Android phone, download it. AND it's free (for the first 2 GB)! It will certainly come in handy for school stuff and that dissertation. I'd hate to lose all of that work. I know I should have an external drive, but i haven't gotten one yet. so, this will have to do for now.
• Finally found a workout plan I think I'll be able to stick to. I HATE working out. it's just sooo boring to me. but, i have to do something to get this weight off. we have a fitness center in the complex, and my plan was to walk the treadmill for 30 minutes each day. well, that failed. i just wasn't motivated enough to do because it was... boring. then i decided to research the P90X that a lot of people have been talking about. welp, I'm not in shape enough for that. but, i can do the Power 90, which is the precursor to P90X. I found it on Amazon, and it wasn't cheap. but, i reasoned that i spend a lot of money on my hair and other outward things. so, i can spend money on this. So, I ordered, and started. This was Day 4, and I don't dread doing it. I can see that it'll probably get tedious once I'm further along into it. But, what I like is that the workouts are  are (depending on the level) 30-45 minutes long, and you do a lot of different things in that time AND i feel like i truly worked out; i'm all sweaty and my body feels the workout the next day. i'll probably add another DVD as time goes on, but right now I'm feeling in a really good place. The biggest thing for me is that I actually look forward to doing the tape. so, we'll see how it goes.
• Last week, JE and I were both off from work and were watching some talk show with Starr (sp?) Jones, and he said, "Baby, you can be as rich as her. I know you're smarter than women like her." First, that remark made me smile on the inside, AND then i said to myself, "Hey, I am!" lol... While I'm grateful to have a job, I do not like working for other people. I don't mind working (clearly) or working with others. I just don't like other people dictating what I do and when I do it. I've known for a while that I want to be my own, but my passion/drive to make that a reality went dormant for a looooong while. I suppose I was just too caught up in keeping my head above water.
• Today would have been my mom's 51st birthday. I have this picture of me, my sister, and her when my mom was about my age on my night stand. Every time I look at it, I can't believe that she's gone. After over seven years, you'd think the shock would have worn away, but nope, it's still there. yet, i know in spite of how I feel here on Earth, she's in a better place. and, so I'll share her favorite MJ song: 

until next time...

test

i see my blog still isn't updating on people's blog rolls. :-( so, this is just a test to see if this post magically appears.