starting a business (the right way) is not for the faint of heart. people don't know all the behind the scenes efforts that must be done right. creating labels per FDA, getting sales and use permits, opening accounts, ordering supplies, product photography, the list goes on and on. and, since i'm not selling anything, all of these this is being funded by my personal funds.
Last Friday, I was on the verge of tears while driving to work, which is significant because I'm not really a crier. There wasn't anything majorly bad that happened. I was just tired and frustrated by a series of things that weren't quite right, both personally and professionally. I started to wonder if all the effort was worth it. This is the first time that I've done something that doesn't have an clear pay off. I'm investing a great deal of time and money into getting this business off the ground and who knows if it will be successful.
at the same time, there is a sense of fulfillment in starting a business and doing something for myself. answering only to me. this morning, i told JE that I was tired of working for other people. he said he felt the same way. honestly, i think that's part of the reason i wanted to cry last week. i guess i'm just ready to move into something new, but i'm stuck at the moment. it's an uncomfortable position.
on the plus side, my PCOS is getting under control. I've been on particular medications to treat it, and the blood work that came back today shows that the medication is working. I'm still seeing some physical effects of this condition, but at least the blood work is changing, slowly but surely.
while at work, today i decided to watch (well, listen) to Spike Lee's When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Parts. In hindsight, that may not have been the best idea. It's so angering to see (again) how the people of New Orleans were treated pre and post Katrina, and all because of faulty engineering. Anyway, the documentary made me think about a family I met who evacuated from New Orleans to Tulsa. Back in August 2005, I was working for the housing authority for the city. After Katrina, the housing authority took in New Orleans residents.
Three families were assigned to my complex and I became acquainted with one of them fairly well. a man, woman, and their two elementary aged sons. the man and woman had lived in New Orleans their whole life and said that when they went to the Superdome, they fully expected that they would return to their home later. Instead, they lived in the squalor at the Superdome, got on a bus in the middle of the night, headed to someplace unknown, with nothing but the clothes on their back. they ended up at Camp Gruber in Oklahoma, and finally wound up in Tulsa. part of my job was to help them get situated by connecting them with various services in the city. Oftentimes, I had to drive them around until they felt comfortable taking the bus. So, we would talk and I just loved their New Orleans accents. But, I loved their spirits most of all. while they were obviously in shock, they were still pushing forward and you could tell they loved one another greatly. I even stayed in touch with them after i left that position. however, as time went on , we lost touch with one another. I would think about them every time I went to New Orleans and wondered how they were doing.
So, while listening to When the Levees Broke, I decided to do a Google search. And, I found a story about them in Tulsa's newspaper that was published in December 2011. It turns out the man had a heart attack and died suddenly while at work one day in August of that year. He was the primary earner for the family and they had struggled since his death, so the family was being featured as a needy family who would be receiving services from the Salvation Army for Christmas. As soon as I read that, I burst into tears at my desk. It just broke my heart. They'd been together for 22 years. I can't imagine losing all Earthly possessions and then to lose your partner.
until next time...
9.17.2013
8.25.2013
head over heels...
A few weeks ago, I finally submitted my application to the state for a doing business as (DBA) certificate. for now, i opted to go for the sole proprietorship structure instead of an LLC. An LLC is just too expensive and my reluctance to spend the money was holding me back from getting the ball rolling. I checked the mail today and Head Over Heels Bath and Body is officially registered with the state. :-) I chose that name a while ago, but was holding out on announcing it.
and here is the logo. I had a team (which included my blog husband) give feedback on the design and this is what i finally chose. next are business cards and printing of labels. I can't wait to get labels printed! They will be the final professional touch that's needed to set everything off. I'm planning to officially launch on October 1, but I do have some interested in placing holiday orders now.
the past few months have been all about the business aspects. Tax ID numbers, business insurance, domain name purchasing, setting up a business email, etc. It's tiring especially since I have a regular 9-5, but I enjoy every moment. next step is to set up a business account with my credit union. i mean, i'm still using my personal money to pay for everything right now, but I want to get in the habit of keeping the two accounts separate.
when one of my aunts called me last week and asked for a price list because she and some other people were interested in making purchases for Christmas, it got me thinking about something I didn't want to think about... determining a price structure that doesn't leave me in the hole. i'm good with details, but suck at math and so the thought of calculating every aspect of overhead was freaking me out. sooo... I bought this software. As you can see, it was not cheap BUT i used it last night to price my first six products and baaabaaaay, it is a game changer!! I could automatically see what pricing structure would be the most profitable, how much I can expect to make if i offer case, volume, and discount prices and so much more. and all at the click of a button. now, it did take a lot of set-up in the beginning as far as entering data about raw materials, packaging, etc. but, it is so worth it. Seeing those numbers also really helped me feel confident about my pricing and empowered me to know I'm making sound financial decisions. in the past, when people bought things, i guessed at a price that i thought was fair. key word: thought. i had no idea if it was truly fair to me and the buyer. now i know.
aside from the business, i'm feeling incredibly restless. last Friday i stayed at the office until 6:30 trying to get a data mystery figured out so that i could submit a count of students at particular schools. no one said i needed to stay that late, but i'm the "stay until it's done type." work has been busy for the past few weeks (especially with school starting tomorrow), but it i hasn't been challenging or rewarding. i mean, i guess there's the challenge of staying on top of things and making sure everything gets done. but, each day that i'm doing my job, i feel... disconnected. my work has a purpose, but i don't feel inspired by my work at all. i'm just doing a job. i work with great people, but i can't shake the feeling that i'm not meant to be there. it's also crystal clear that i'm not using all of my skill sets. and, i'm using some skills that i don't like using. for example, i have to organize 10 testers to work at 64 schools at test nearly 3000 kids in a time span of about 4 weeks. i'm more than capable of doing the work well, but i always walk away feeling like i'm just tied to the oar.
anyway, when i was walking up the stairs to our apartment last Friday night, i thought, "you know what... i really could just walk away from Austin and never look back. there's nothing holding me here." sure, i have a job and i just signed a new lease. but, i can do this same job elsewhere, and one of the main reasons i work is to pay for this apartment. in other words, they are things that i don't necessarily need to be in Austin to have. over dinner, JE and i had the best conversation about our lives. he'd just come back from the Dallas area and home to Tulsa to take care of a family situation. and he came back with the same feeling that i had: our lives here in Austin are fine and at times it feels like this is where we're meant to be. yet, there's a lingering feeling that we should be doing more. we have no ties to this city and perhaps the only thing keeping us here is one another. i honestly don't know where we'll go from here or what the next steps should be, but it felt amazing to be on the same page. we talked about moving to the Dallas area, back to Tulsa, and even agreed that sometimes we just wanted to leave and go wherever the road took us. outside of this blog, few people know how i truly feel about most things. it's nice having someone that i can be myself with and talk about dreams of running away from home. :-)
until next time...
the past few months have been all about the business aspects. Tax ID numbers, business insurance, domain name purchasing, setting up a business email, etc. It's tiring especially since I have a regular 9-5, but I enjoy every moment. next step is to set up a business account with my credit union. i mean, i'm still using my personal money to pay for everything right now, but I want to get in the habit of keeping the two accounts separate.
when one of my aunts called me last week and asked for a price list because she and some other people were interested in making purchases for Christmas, it got me thinking about something I didn't want to think about... determining a price structure that doesn't leave me in the hole. i'm good with details, but suck at math and so the thought of calculating every aspect of overhead was freaking me out. sooo... I bought this software. As you can see, it was not cheap BUT i used it last night to price my first six products and baaabaaaay, it is a game changer!! I could automatically see what pricing structure would be the most profitable, how much I can expect to make if i offer case, volume, and discount prices and so much more. and all at the click of a button. now, it did take a lot of set-up in the beginning as far as entering data about raw materials, packaging, etc. but, it is so worth it. Seeing those numbers also really helped me feel confident about my pricing and empowered me to know I'm making sound financial decisions. in the past, when people bought things, i guessed at a price that i thought was fair. key word: thought. i had no idea if it was truly fair to me and the buyer. now i know.
aside from the business, i'm feeling incredibly restless. last Friday i stayed at the office until 6:30 trying to get a data mystery figured out so that i could submit a count of students at particular schools. no one said i needed to stay that late, but i'm the "stay until it's done type." work has been busy for the past few weeks (especially with school starting tomorrow), but it i hasn't been challenging or rewarding. i mean, i guess there's the challenge of staying on top of things and making sure everything gets done. but, each day that i'm doing my job, i feel... disconnected. my work has a purpose, but i don't feel inspired by my work at all. i'm just doing a job. i work with great people, but i can't shake the feeling that i'm not meant to be there. it's also crystal clear that i'm not using all of my skill sets. and, i'm using some skills that i don't like using. for example, i have to organize 10 testers to work at 64 schools at test nearly 3000 kids in a time span of about 4 weeks. i'm more than capable of doing the work well, but i always walk away feeling like i'm just tied to the oar.
anyway, when i was walking up the stairs to our apartment last Friday night, i thought, "you know what... i really could just walk away from Austin and never look back. there's nothing holding me here." sure, i have a job and i just signed a new lease. but, i can do this same job elsewhere, and one of the main reasons i work is to pay for this apartment. in other words, they are things that i don't necessarily need to be in Austin to have. over dinner, JE and i had the best conversation about our lives. he'd just come back from the Dallas area and home to Tulsa to take care of a family situation. and he came back with the same feeling that i had: our lives here in Austin are fine and at times it feels like this is where we're meant to be. yet, there's a lingering feeling that we should be doing more. we have no ties to this city and perhaps the only thing keeping us here is one another. i honestly don't know where we'll go from here or what the next steps should be, but it felt amazing to be on the same page. we talked about moving to the Dallas area, back to Tulsa, and even agreed that sometimes we just wanted to leave and go wherever the road took us. outside of this blog, few people know how i truly feel about most things. it's nice having someone that i can be myself with and talk about dreams of running away from home. :-)
until next time...
7.26.2013
late nights and early mornings...
a few days ago, i spent about 45 minutes composing a post and immediately posted it. after posting, i decided to clean house and delete drafts that i didn't need anymore. well, i decide to come here and edit the most recent post, only to find that apparently i'd deleted it accidentally in my cleaning haste. :-/ I don't even remember everything i wrote about, to be honest. so, here's hoping that this post doesn't get deleted accidentally.
so, i got moved into my new apartment two weeks ago today. i finally got most of my stuff unpacked as of last week. i really like this new apartment. it kinda feels like a small house. it's very modern and the nicest apartment that i've ever lived in. the only drawback is that's it is located on like the outskirts of Austin. in fact, my address is still Austin, but the apartment is actually located in a different school district. but, i guess that's a small price to pay. JE moved with me. i know. i know. i said i wasn't going to allow it. i've seen a signfiicant change in him lately, so i said we could try this relationship thing again and living together. well, the living together is temporary. most of his stuff is in storage. so far, things are going well. i think me being out of school and living a normal life has reduced my stress level enormously which improves my overall happiness. also, JE got another job. so, that means he works a part time during the day and then works full time overnight. so, we see each other a lot less. right now, when i come home from work, he's usually asleep. when he wakes up, we talk, do more than talking ;-), and then it's almost time for him to go to work and for me to go to bed. when i wake up to go to work, he's coming in the door, to take a nap before going back to work. honestly, i don't know how long he'll be able to keep this up, but for now, it works. and honestly, i like the arrangement. my only wish is that we were going to jobs that we truly loved.
speaking of work, my job has us working 10 hour days for four days a week for the month of July. it is as much fun as you can imagine working in an office setting for 10 hours would be. :-( my co-workers are cool, but it's draining being at work for so long. i actually don't mind the 10 hours as much as the fact that i'm in the same place all day, mostly in front of a computer. we go have Fridays "off," but it's not really an off day because we still had to work 40 hours. thankfully, next week is the last week of 10 hour days.
i think i blogged last time about a job i was applying for with the research group i was a part my last semester in grad school. my friend has the job now, and encouraged me to apply, saying i'd be a good fit. i was so hyped about the possibility of doing the work and immediately applied when the job was finally posted. i did have some reservations because the director of the program (who was also on my dissertation committee and knows me fairly well) didn't ask me to consider applying. idk, i felt like, if he thought i'd be a good candidate, he'd at least ask me to consider. i ignored that reservation and applied anyway. by the time i interviewed for the position last Monday, i was not excited about the job anymore. i started thinking about my current position and how i was asked if i wanted the job. they were excited and happy that i was considering staying with them. i did have to apply, but it was merely a formality. the vibe was completely different for this other position. i felt almost like a stranger. i interviewed with the director and another member of the research team and they were friendly. but, it just felt... off. i walked away with the feeling that they would hired someone else. as a matter of fact, when i asked about the status of my application two weeks after i applied, the director told me that they had some really good candidates and would be doing interviews for the job. that confirmed that i wasn't seen as the best fit. and, since he was already familiar with me, that i probably wouldn't get the position. it turns out, i was correct. i got an email today from the project manager stating that i hadn't been selected. no phone call from the director or anything. an email. the project manager (who i know very well), also addressed me as Ms. (more on the Ms. thing later.) that man is well aware that i'm Dr. smh... the impersonal nature of the entire process is what pissed me off, not the fact that i was told no.
that experience has really confirmed(?) my reservations about academia. in the nearly four months since i defended my dissertation, the academic life has looked less and less appealing. i've been thinking a lot about my life thus far and i just don't know if the academic life will allow me to have the most impact on people. at the end of the day, (as cliche) as it sounds, i want to help people. that's it. most people don't know my life story. they don't know that we lived in Section 8 housing and for my entire childhood we were on food stamps (back when they were the actual paper food stamps, not the discreet EBT cards). they don't know that i was on free lunch until the day i graduated from high school. my mother made sure we were exposed to different things, but i know all the camps and trips we attended were because we were on some sort of scholarship. now, my story isn't anything Earth shattering, but now that i know the statistics of what usually happens to kids like me, i really can't believe that i made it this far. so, i feel like my contribution would be lessened by simply sitting in academia.
the problem, of course, is i'm still not sure of exactly what i want to do. my current job isn't the most exciting and doesn't allow me to have a great impact, either. so, i know i won't be there too much longer. possibly a year. the other night, JE and i were talking and i was telling him about my friend who's living in London. and he said, that's what i thought you would do, take a job in London. you know, i've never considered living and working abroad. my mind always goes back to my time in Santa Barbara and how miserable i was, in large part due to the fact that i was so far from family and friends... and i was just living on the West Coast! but, you know, maybe my boredom has to do with the fact that i need to leave the country and just experience something else. but, again, what would i do? i'm praying for guidance.
i saw several doctors this month regarding issues stemming from my PCOS. sigh... this syndrome is a beast. it's truly a systemic problem. in my deleted post, i detailed what's been going on with my body, but i don't have the energy. i will say i'm several medications to get things under control. i was avoiding the meds route, but in order to get things back where they should be, i think it's best. once the more pressing issues are under control, i'm planning to come off the medications and treat the syndrome naturally. this past week was not good health wise, but not due to the PCOS. i just felt sick all around. outside of that, i'm tolerating the medications well, even though it's sometimes hard for me to remember to take them.
my bath and body business is stagnant right now. well, i finally bit the bullet and hired someone to design labels. she's actually the same person that designed my logo. she's also going to do business cards. so, i'm moving forward, but not as fast as i would like. i still haven't applied for the business license. i just don't want to come off that $300. but, i know i'll have to do it soon.
today would have been my mom's 53rd birthday. though it's been 9 years since she passed, it's still hard to believe that she's gone. while i was packing the old apartment, i came across her death certificate, funeral program and a letter i wrote to her after she died. whew! talk about emotional! it's funny how something that happened so long ago can still be so clear. but, i'm not focusing on that today because i think that does her a disservice--- to only focus on the last day of her life. so, while life hasn't been the same since the day she left, i'm thankful for the time we did have with her. see you next lifetime, Mama!
until next time...
so, i got moved into my new apartment two weeks ago today. i finally got most of my stuff unpacked as of last week. i really like this new apartment. it kinda feels like a small house. it's very modern and the nicest apartment that i've ever lived in. the only drawback is that's it is located on like the outskirts of Austin. in fact, my address is still Austin, but the apartment is actually located in a different school district. but, i guess that's a small price to pay. JE moved with me. i know. i know. i said i wasn't going to allow it. i've seen a signfiicant change in him lately, so i said we could try this relationship thing again and living together. well, the living together is temporary. most of his stuff is in storage. so far, things are going well. i think me being out of school and living a normal life has reduced my stress level enormously which improves my overall happiness. also, JE got another job. so, that means he works a part time during the day and then works full time overnight. so, we see each other a lot less. right now, when i come home from work, he's usually asleep. when he wakes up, we talk, do more than talking ;-), and then it's almost time for him to go to work and for me to go to bed. when i wake up to go to work, he's coming in the door, to take a nap before going back to work. honestly, i don't know how long he'll be able to keep this up, but for now, it works. and honestly, i like the arrangement. my only wish is that we were going to jobs that we truly loved.
speaking of work, my job has us working 10 hour days for four days a week for the month of July. it is as much fun as you can imagine working in an office setting for 10 hours would be. :-( my co-workers are cool, but it's draining being at work for so long. i actually don't mind the 10 hours as much as the fact that i'm in the same place all day, mostly in front of a computer. we go have Fridays "off," but it's not really an off day because we still had to work 40 hours. thankfully, next week is the last week of 10 hour days.
i think i blogged last time about a job i was applying for with the research group i was a part my last semester in grad school. my friend has the job now, and encouraged me to apply, saying i'd be a good fit. i was so hyped about the possibility of doing the work and immediately applied when the job was finally posted. i did have some reservations because the director of the program (who was also on my dissertation committee and knows me fairly well) didn't ask me to consider applying. idk, i felt like, if he thought i'd be a good candidate, he'd at least ask me to consider. i ignored that reservation and applied anyway. by the time i interviewed for the position last Monday, i was not excited about the job anymore. i started thinking about my current position and how i was asked if i wanted the job. they were excited and happy that i was considering staying with them. i did have to apply, but it was merely a formality. the vibe was completely different for this other position. i felt almost like a stranger. i interviewed with the director and another member of the research team and they were friendly. but, it just felt... off. i walked away with the feeling that they would hired someone else. as a matter of fact, when i asked about the status of my application two weeks after i applied, the director told me that they had some really good candidates and would be doing interviews for the job. that confirmed that i wasn't seen as the best fit. and, since he was already familiar with me, that i probably wouldn't get the position. it turns out, i was correct. i got an email today from the project manager stating that i hadn't been selected. no phone call from the director or anything. an email. the project manager (who i know very well), also addressed me as Ms. (more on the Ms. thing later.) that man is well aware that i'm Dr. smh... the impersonal nature of the entire process is what pissed me off, not the fact that i was told no.
that experience has really confirmed(?) my reservations about academia. in the nearly four months since i defended my dissertation, the academic life has looked less and less appealing. i've been thinking a lot about my life thus far and i just don't know if the academic life will allow me to have the most impact on people. at the end of the day, (as cliche) as it sounds, i want to help people. that's it. most people don't know my life story. they don't know that we lived in Section 8 housing and for my entire childhood we were on food stamps (back when they were the actual paper food stamps, not the discreet EBT cards). they don't know that i was on free lunch until the day i graduated from high school. my mother made sure we were exposed to different things, but i know all the camps and trips we attended were because we were on some sort of scholarship. now, my story isn't anything Earth shattering, but now that i know the statistics of what usually happens to kids like me, i really can't believe that i made it this far. so, i feel like my contribution would be lessened by simply sitting in academia.
the problem, of course, is i'm still not sure of exactly what i want to do. my current job isn't the most exciting and doesn't allow me to have a great impact, either. so, i know i won't be there too much longer. possibly a year. the other night, JE and i were talking and i was telling him about my friend who's living in London. and he said, that's what i thought you would do, take a job in London. you know, i've never considered living and working abroad. my mind always goes back to my time in Santa Barbara and how miserable i was, in large part due to the fact that i was so far from family and friends... and i was just living on the West Coast! but, you know, maybe my boredom has to do with the fact that i need to leave the country and just experience something else. but, again, what would i do? i'm praying for guidance.
i saw several doctors this month regarding issues stemming from my PCOS. sigh... this syndrome is a beast. it's truly a systemic problem. in my deleted post, i detailed what's been going on with my body, but i don't have the energy. i will say i'm several medications to get things under control. i was avoiding the meds route, but in order to get things back where they should be, i think it's best. once the more pressing issues are under control, i'm planning to come off the medications and treat the syndrome naturally. this past week was not good health wise, but not due to the PCOS. i just felt sick all around. outside of that, i'm tolerating the medications well, even though it's sometimes hard for me to remember to take them.
my bath and body business is stagnant right now. well, i finally bit the bullet and hired someone to design labels. she's actually the same person that designed my logo. she's also going to do business cards. so, i'm moving forward, but not as fast as i would like. i still haven't applied for the business license. i just don't want to come off that $300. but, i know i'll have to do it soon.
today would have been my mom's 53rd birthday. though it's been 9 years since she passed, it's still hard to believe that she's gone. while i was packing the old apartment, i came across her death certificate, funeral program and a letter i wrote to her after she died. whew! talk about emotional! it's funny how something that happened so long ago can still be so clear. but, i'm not focusing on that today because i think that does her a disservice--- to only focus on the last day of her life. so, while life hasn't been the same since the day she left, i'm thankful for the time we did have with her. see you next lifetime, Mama!
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| my mom at her high school graduation |
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| my mom, my sister, and me at Easter |
until next time...
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