This is going to be a long summer. So, last month, I gave JE
a deadline by which he needed to move out... I’d discussed how to approach it
w/ my therapist. Of course, things rarely go as planned. He did something while
I was getting ready for work one morning that irritated me and I just blurted
it out: he had one month to move out. Smh… he took it well, and I went on to
work. When I got home, we discussed it even further. Well, discussed isn’t the
right word. He basically asked if I thought him moving out in was the best
solution, I said yes, and he asked if I was sure. I said that I was, and that
was that. The past month has been awkward, to say the least. We live in the
same place, but it’s like two ships passing in the night. I hate that things
have come to this, but I honestly feel that this is the only way for me to get
him to see just how fed up I am… otherwise, he won't take me seriously.
Fast forward to this evening, I came home from work to find
him in the bedroom, filling a massive garbage bag. Apparently, he was throwing
away things that he no longer needed. How he amassed so much stuff, I’ll never
know. He took the garbage down to his car (to take to the dumpster), and as I
watched from the dining room window, I burst into tears. I noticed he'd taken down the pictures that he around the apartment and that his side of the closet looked the neatest it's ever been, and I had a vision of that space being completely empty. While I know that this
is what needs to happen, my heart broke into a million pieces, because things
didn’t have to end this way. When we started dating six years ago, this wasn’t
the plan. For the past month, I’d been so focused on mentally reviewing all the
reasons a split is necessary, that I didn’t allow myself to feel the sadness of
it. By Sunday, he’ll be gone and this chapter of our lives will be closed.
Tomorrow, I have a session with my business coach and so I’m
supposed to be completing some
pre-work. But, I can barely get through it. I’ve had to stop several times
because of the tears. I absolutely did not
prepare myself for how painful this process would be and how in the midst of it
all, I have to go on, business as usual. Only one person, besides my therapist,
knows what’s happening. And that one another person is due to deliver her
second child tomorrow. So, here I am, until my Thursday evening session with my therapist.
This is going to be a long summer.
Until next time…
2 comments:
When I broke up with Pooka's father it did not happen the way I thought it was going to go down either. As in your relationship, we both knew it was coming. :( That morning I woke up next to him, the next morning I woke up in my homegirl's guest room with Pooka and as much of our things that I could fit in my bag. Yeah, it all happened just that fast.
With any long term relationship that ends, esp. one that involved living together, the road to recovery is hard and long. I remember my old supervisor at my state job calling me into her office and politely reminding me that there was a counselor that I had assess to if I "needed assistance or to talk to for anything" I "may be going through". Many a days I spent on my break and part of my lunches...in the bathroom, on the floor, balled up crying. I thought I was cleaning up and hiding it decently.
It hurts...A LOT...but one day you will wake up and be over this phase in your life and you will smile. Just like you have in previous serious relationships.
You got this! *cyber hugs, Kleenex, a candy bar, bottle of wine, and a Nerf gun too*
Sorry for the blog entry. I just wanted to give a bit of meat to my opinion.
I don't really have anything to add other than the dissolution of a long-term relationship sucks. Cry until you're tired of crying and then try to keep your mind off of it for as long as you can. Yeah, I know easier said than done but eventually the overwhelming intensity of everything will dull.
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