reality check...

• I finally hired a nutritionist to provide me with weekly meal plans for the next two months. She sent the first one today and I'll start it next Sunday, since I already did my grocery shopping for this week. Uhm... let's just say, that it got real when I saw what I should be eating. Whew! PCOS is such a bitch... there are so many things that I have to cut out to get it under control. A few weeks ago, I went for a follow-up visit at the gynecologist and she looked at the size of my ovaries as well as the uterine lining. Without going into too much detail, I'll say that the news wasn't great. So, she upped my medication and told me to work on my diet for the next three months and then we'd go from there. My goal is to get off the synthetic medication completely, so by May, hopefully I'll be able to decrease the dosage. 
• Next, I think I'll need to hire a trainer, at least for a few months. I just can't seem to self motivate myself to work out. I am motivated to not waste my money, though. Also, I need someone to show me exactly what exercises I need to be doing to get the weight moving. Ugh... I hate to sound weight obsessed. The only reason why I'm focusing on weight loss is because it's the only way the PCOS symptoms will lessen. 
• Last week, layoffs were announced at my job. The senior leadership team has been working on an organization re-design, so we all expected people would get moved around. But, no one expected a ~25% reduction in force. And that those who were laid off would be without jobs by mid-April. Six weeks. The changes were announced on Monday and by Wednesday everyone on my 30 person umbrella team knew their status. I talked with some people on my 10 person team, so I knew that a few of them were staying. And on Friday, the new organization chart for our team was rolled out, so it was implicitly clear who was staying. Thankfully, I am staying. However, the whole experience has sucked. First, the worry about my position until I learned that I'd have a role going forward. And now, knowing who has been laid off has been heartbreaking. The layoffs have nothing to do with performance and everything to do with the organization going into a different direction. And, some roles just don't fit with the new direction. Some new roles are opening up, so there's a possibility some get into one of those new roles. But, there's not nearly enough new roles to cover everyone who's getting laid off. 
• Last week's experience was the reality check that I needed. When I took the job, I did so a bit nervously because it'd be the first time in several years that I'd be working without a contract. So, I knew that I could be let go at any time. However, in the nearly 6 months that I've been with the company, I got too comfortable. Like, something in my spirit told me that I was getting too comfortable. And then those layoffs were announced and it became crystal clear that I need to stay committed to working for myself full time. As much as I like my work environment, I need to keep in mind that these employers ain't loyal... not matter how much the work culture makes you feel like part of a family. It's a business at the end of the day. It was also a reminder that while the work we do is important, there's nothing more important than ensuring my livelihood doesn't disappear in the blink of an eye. 
• On the bright side, things are still progressing with CF. I'm still cautiously optimistic. I've known him for a little over a year and a part of me is still waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's hard for me to just enjoy getting to know someone, but I'm learning. One thing that I've appreciated is that's clear that he likes me just for being me. That's it. In the past, it's felt like guys liked me because of what I could do for them. JE would tell me that he loved me often, but it never felt quite right because I wasn't convinced that he loved me and not what I provided for him. I keep in touch with a guy I dated several years ago and I'm glad that we aren't together anymore (for several reasons). He's a cool person BUT when he mentions what he appreciates about me, it's centered around him. *sigh* That shit is tiring. I mean, it's ok to like what a person does for you, but there should be more than that. My being isn't in service to you. 

Alright, I think that's it for now. Until next time...