100!!

it's been nearly 7 months coming, but i'm finally at 100! before i get into my actual post, let me comment on a few changes. 1st, as all my regulars will notice, i changed the template. when i found the old template, i absolutely loved it. and i still like it, but it’s started to feel a little like overkill. I’m not into butterflies per se, but I chose that as my user name more so because of what it represents. And then I decided to make a them out of it and have my template be of a butterfly girl. Well, I’m kinda over the whole them idea now. It took me a while to find this new template. I wanted something feminine, but not too girly, and I also have always wanted to be a green-eyed white woman, so it’s perfect! Lol! Just kidding about the last part. But, I did choose this one because it’s dark, but not too dark, and I like how the woman’s eye is penetrating, but her complete self is hidden. I guess that’s the kind of blogger I fancy myself to be; I like to look into myself, but I don’t share every part of me on this blog. maybe one day. Then again, maybe not. ;-) the 2^nd change is the addition of the chat box on the right. (I hope it works.) i’m not sure how I feel about it, but thought I would add it and see how it went. One day you may come by and it’s gone. I won’t take it down because I don’t like chatting with you, but because I may decide I’m not really feeling it.
I wasn’t sure of what to do for my 100^th post but knew I wanted to do something significant. So, to help get some inspiration, I looked through my old posts, and then it hit me that for #100, I would take a trip down memory lane and talk about the posts of the past. Most of you who read me now weren’t around in the beginning, so hopefully you’ll learn something new about me. (i tried to get the posts to open in a new page, but Blogger is being a bia-bia, and wouldn't let me do it. sorry about that!)

• In The Beginning is obviously the first post I ever wrote, almost 7 months to the day. I’m a little embarrassed to put this up here because it’s super whack! but, hey, whose 1^st post didn’t leave much to be desired? Lol… anyway, I started blogging in part because I spent so much time reading blogs I thought I should have one of my own. Also, I was tired of journaling my thoughts. I was ready for feedback and I also wanted to test myself and see if I would be able to talk about things I typically didn’t with my friends and/or family. I’m still not as open as I’d like to be, but I’m getting there.
• Unspoken Truth 2 was one of the hardest posts i ever had to write. Up until this point, I don’t think I’d really delved too deeply into things in my past that were dark or not so cool. So, it was weird for me to share that situation with complete strangers. I think I wrote this post because I wanted to test myself and also test the few readers I had. I wanted to see if I would be able to tell the full story and I also wanted to know what the reaction would be. Deep down, I think a part of me was also ashamed that I’d spent part of my life in an abusive household; people think that I have this nice little life, not knowing some of the things that have happened in the past. I guess a part of me also wanted that idealistic life. however, once I published that post, I came to see we all have things in our lives that aren’t so pretty and in the end it’s all about how we choose to make that information work our for our good.
• Sex and Space is the kind of the post that you write and are genuinely surprised at the reaction that you get. I wrote it after a conversation with Mr. Not Right Now just to get my thoughts out of my head. I didn’t even think it was that great of a post, but other bloggers did. Go figure… (I re-read this post not long after Mr. Not Right Now and I broke up and all I could do was shake my head. It was all so plain that he wasn’t the one.) This post showed me that I shouldn’t try too hard when blogging. Just let my thoughts flow and I’ll be surprised at the reaction.
• 101 Things About BB is a post that at the time I wrote it, I really liked it. I surprised myself not necessarily because there were 101 things I had to share about myself, but that I actually shared them all. now, I’m not so impressed with this list and have decided I definitely need to do another one that’s a lot more introspective and less…superficial.
• It All Falls Down is the only post I’ve written where I was on the verge of tears. Many of you know about my history with Mr. Not Right Now and this post signified the end of an era. Sometimes I can’t look at that post because it’s just too much to look back at such a painful time. Other times when I have a moment of weakness and tell myself it’d be ok to be “friends” with him again, I make myself read that post to remind me of everything that happened that day/night and how unacceptable it all was. That’s not to say I’m holding a grudge against the dude, but that situation let me know it was time to move on to bigger and better things.
• Passive Aggressive Catharsis is a meme I found and though I do a lot of memes, but this is my favorite. I like it so much because it’s not your typical run of the mill meme where I answer a lot of questions. Also, it kept from having to write several different posts about each person and our situation. It’s funny because when I looked over it last night, I couldn’t even remember to whom half those comments were directed! Lol…
• On Mother’s Day: Every rapper has to have a song about their mama, and in that same vein, I had to write a post about mine. As most of you know, my mom passed away a few years ago. To say I’ve have a hard time dealing with it would be an understatement, and I try to shy away from talking about it too much on my blog, mainly because it’s too difficult for me to explain the emotions and also because well, I really don’t want to read sympathy comments. I don’t mean the latter in a bad way, but any of you who have lost a loved one know what I mean. Anyway, I wrote this post as a tribute to my mom on her day and also as a way for me to not to be sad that she wasn’t here for me to call or send flowers. I’d like to think I accomplished my goal.
• Out of the Zone is my most recent post and was another one that was hard for me to write. Not because it was sad but because it made me tap into emotions that I hadn’t felt in a while or that I had kinda stopped believing in. I’d gotten a little cynical about guys and dating and was living comfortably in my walled in area. And then Mr. CO came along and shook things up a bit. Even though this post still makes me feel kinda strange inside, I’m kinda digging the feeling. Oh, and by the way, last night I told Mr. CO (whose name will probably change to something more personal soon) that I was willing to date him. so, i guess i'm in a relationship now. (how strange is that!) wish me luck!

when i started blogging, i honestly didn't think that anyone would read my blog. i knew i had a lot on my mind, but i didn't think that anyone would find it interesting or comment worthy. that being said, i'm always delighted to see comments about my posts. it always brings a smile to my face. i'm definitely am not one of those "i don't care if anyone comments, i blog for me," type of bloggers. i mean, i do blog for me, hence the title of my blog and the things i choose to talk about. but, i feel that if i wanted to express my feelings and not get comments, i'd do it in a journal and be done with it. honestly, if i didn't get comments, i would've stopped blogging a long time ago. I feel like people come into your life for a reason, and the same holds true for the blogging world. Every exchange on this blog has happened for a reason and a lot of times they have made a rough day a little brighter, validated me, told me I might wanna pump my brakes and drive slow, made me literally laugh out loud, or given me a little food for thought. Any way it goes, I honestly appreciate every comment and for each of you taking a little time to come by my piece of the blogosphere.
A special shout out to the two people who have been reading my blog the longest: Apprentice: it still tickles me that a woman all the way in Scotland reads my blog on the regular. I love how you come by and always drop a little wisdom my way. Since you said you see a little of yourself in me and I see that you’ve come through it all fine, I really do appreciate it!
And last but not least, Freaky: what can I say? From taking my bloginity, to being my houseboy to being my BBD (and Appy!), you’ve been around since post #1. thanks for making me laugh, commenting at posts where I wasn’t talking about anything, giving me something to think about and for choosing me (as if I wasn’t the obvious choice lol!) as your BBM.
I suppose that about wraps it up for #100.i’m leaving this afternoon for NYC for a conference for my job, and I’ll stay there through Sunday, with plans to celebrate my birthday, which is on Saturday. I won’t be able to get on the internet that much, so just know if I don’t respond to your comments, I will very soon! Happy Tuesday!