another one bites the dust

So, CO and I are completely over and done with. so, i mentioned a few weeks ago that he and i were taking a break. i don't know why i didn't just call a spade a spade and say we weren't together anymore and honestly, wouldn't be getting back together. although he and i didn't say that, given what has and has not happened over the past few months, that's what needed to happen. i struggled with whether or not to go into detail about what happened. partially because i was somewhat embarrassed at the turn of events. you know how when you believe in someone or something and then it turns out not to be real? well, that's how i felt. and the other part of me didn't want CO to turn into Mr. NRN, where i blog ad nauseam about our drama. but, you know, blogging for me is about getting all my feelings out and not letting them sit there and fester. as brave a face as i've tried to put up, the situation w/ CO has been really bothering me. it just defies all logic... or maybe it makes complete sense and i just refuse to see what's right there in front of me.

anyway, CO and I are no more because communication from him ceased. and when i say ceased, i mean it came to a screeching halt. it all started after i saw him on New Year's. i mean, there were a few times when he would respond to communication from me, but it was still piss poor. for a while i gave him the benefit of the doubt and chalked it up to his being in his first year of law school. they say it's the hardest year and so i rolled with that. but, really, no one is so busy that they can't respond to communication from the person they claim to be in a relationship with. even though i tried to ignore it, the situation felt like deja vu. well, sort of. when we stopped talking in college, it was a mutual decision. i wasn't upset because there was no commitment made at that time. back in November he told me he wasn't "ready for a woman" at that time and that's what contributed to his departure. ok, cool. and for a while i tried to accept the fact that our "relationship" was different and that it would be a learning experience. i'd assumed that since he asked me point blank to be his girl that he was ready now. hmmm... i guess not. today a little something happened that was akin to a slap in the face. it was a small thing and yet it spoke volumes. i won't go into detail about what happened because in effect, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. after it happened, i went ahead and deleted his number from my cell and all instances of when i called him, deleted his e-mail address from my address books and removed him as my Facebook friend. (i know the last thing sounds silly, but as some of you may know, Facebook tells you every little thing about what people do with their profiles. I really didn't think I needed that information at my disposal.)

i think what's most troubling is how real he seemed. i'm a skeptic of most people and yet i fell hook, line, and sinker for what ultimately were lies. my feelings are hurt by the series of events, but i'm not depressed. i'm actually more confused than anything. i like to make sense of things and i just can't do it here. in an ideal world, we'd be able to talk about it and even if he gave me a bull shit answer, i'd have something. i guess we can't always get what we want.