breathe again

i've been wanting to post for the past week, but life has been kinda hectic. actually, i've been more stressed out than i think i've been letting people see. i can tell that's the case because i started breaking out something terrible about a week ago. it seemed to come from nowhere and now that things are calming down, it's started to clear up. this has happened before, so when it started, i knew what the deal was. i'm still going to see a doctor soon, to make sure things are ok. but, i'm pretty sure it's the stress.

i had a job interview today. it was a day long thing and surprisingly, i wasn't exhausted after it was all said and done. i was just happy it was finally over. i hear back in a few weeks regarding the outcome. so, if by the end of feb./early march you read a despondent post from me, you'll know what the deal is! :-) but, really, i'm not worried about it. if it's meant to happen, it will.

i don't have Internet at my apartment anymore. as much as i like getting online in the comfort of my home, i had to give it up. i just can't afford it. i'd been paying the bill late or "putting something on it" if i didn't have the full amount. i hate having to do that, so i just let it go. i'm online all the time for my job and i live near a Panera, which as free wireless, so i'll be good. maybe when i move in May, the neighbors will have a wireless connection i can tap into! ;-)

kinda related to the above, the past eight months or so have been the worst financially for me. then again, maybe this period of stripping myself down to the bare necessities is good for me. they say these kinds of things build character. we'll see...

my aunt called me last weekend and left me 2 messages within 30 minutes of one another. i knew something was up because she never does that. when i listened to the 2nd message she said she wanted to talk to me about her apartment situation, even thought she was sure my grandmother had told me. she hadn't, but i kinda knew that my aunt had been evicted. i saw it coming since her work situation has been dismal since late November/early December. so, i waited several hours before i called her back. i just didn't want to hear about it right now. so, i cooked several meals to take my mind off everything. anyway, when i talked to her, she didn't tell me exactly what happened, but my brother is staying at our sister's apartment and my aunt is staying with a friend from church. so, they're not homeless. i didn't even ask her about her furniture and the other stuff in the apartment. needless to say, my heart hurt to hear this. esp. because back in the summer my aunt gave me a large sum of money to tide me over until i started my current job. i wished i hadn't taken it from her and then she would have what she needed in a time like this. so, last night i talked to my aunt and told her about the health problems i'd been experiencing. well, some of them. she agreed that it was probably stress related. and then she said she thought i was worried about her situation and not to worry about it and how God brings people through not to great things before taking them to a higher plane and that she was going to be fine. and then she mentioned that she thought i felt bad about the $$ she'd given me and again, not to worry about that at all because it was the right thing to do and she'd done it because she was in a place to do so at the time. as she was talking to me, i almost burst into tears. i guess i'm just tired of being faithful that things will get better when time and time again brick walls pop up. i always say this too shall pass, but it's getting old and not doing the trick anymore.

in other news, CO and I are taking a break. (no, it's not a trick to get out of doing something for Valentine's Day! ;-) and it's not so much that i want to date other people. that's really the last thing on my mind. it's just that right now i have a boyfriend in title only. there are several reasons for this and most are valid, but i don't see the point of a titular "relationship." i don't harbor any ill will or anything. it's just one of those things...

hmmm.... i just realized this post is kinda depressing. that wasn't my intent when i started writing. i guess the post took on a life of it's own...