last night i got a text from Mr. Not Right Now, telling me he wanted to come and see me. after this fiasco, i hadn't spoken to him. he would call me or text me quite often and i rarely returned either. when i did respond (about 3 times), it was always via a text or an e-mail, letting him know i didn't want to communicate with him. so, when i got the text last night, it made me laugh. not because it was funny, but because it was so absurd. so, i texted him back and told him that he had to be kidding, why would i ever approve of that, and the last time he came he was a complete ass. after i sent it, i went to sleep, because the matter was over in my mind. well, later on i see he texted me back and told me that he wasn't an ass, that what i said "was not called for" and that he was coming, and if i didn't want to see him, that was my decision, and that he didn't want to bother me, but he would be in Atlanta. when i read that, it was both annoyed and scared me. annoyed because how can he not see that he was an ass when he came to visit. this is as clear as day to me (and others). i just don't understand why he thinks this is an effective way to get my attention. it's also annoying because i sooo want this drama to be over with him. i know we have a history and he's said he needs me in his life, but when you screw up, you gotta deal with the consequences.
i was scared because this recent incident shows that he's crazy. i mean, only a crazy person would travel from PA to ATL to try and see a person who has no desire to see you. i don't know if i should take him seriously or not, but he does know where i live. i'm trying not to be irrational, so i don't think he'll do be harm, however, i am very concerned. i don't want to come home from work and see him in the front of my apartment. (yes, we have a gate, but anyone who lives in a complex w/ a gate knows how that can be.)
at this point, i really don't know what my next step should be. on one hand, i feel like i need to call him and be very firm and hopefully he'll leave me alone. but, talking to him will encourage him in some way. on the other, i want to just do nothing and see what happens. but, that's not at all proactive.
16 comments:
He's going to be in Atlanta just to see you or does he have other "legitimate" business to handle there?
First things first. Eliminate every form of convenient ways to contact you that you can. Save all of the messages of your correspondence especially the ones where you told him to leave you alone. Don't call him...ever. Don't even entertain him by answering the phone when he calls you.
If you must, send him one e-mail telling him that all attempts at contact between you are over and done with. Make sure he knows that the friendship is over. Make sure you know in your mind and your heart that this is the case or it's all pretty much wasted. If he shows up ignore him and call the police.
that's a good question and one i asked myself. but, i really don't know why he'll be here. he doesn't like ATL and i don't think his job would take him here. i guess i'll never know.
as for saving the messages, i wish i'd done that w/ the texts. except for this last one, i deleted all of them so i could purge all thoughts of him. but, i do have the e-mails i sent. as for the phone calls, they go ignored every time.
as for stating that the friendship is over, that's a tough one. deep down, it's the best thing to do, but i guess i still hoped at some point we could at least be civil, if not amicable. as time goes on and more shit goes down, it's clear that's not the case.
i started to post a comment, but then read freaky's... so ditto to everything he said
now in response to you not knowing about the friendship part b/c u want to be civil towards each other.. being friends & being civil are 2 different things.. you can cut off a friendship & still be civil if your paths were to ever cross again.. i think you need to cut the friendship off cause he may take that as an opportunity to continue to contact you.. (IMO)
If you hadn't mentioned you being scared more than once and the fact that he's a jerk then I wouldn't have suggested you cut him off completely. Anything he does to get your attention or make you think of him is an effective way of getting your attention (in his mind).
Like TTD said you can end the friendship and still be civil. Hell, you may even be able to become friends one day (I'd leave him alone but that's me) but right now there doesn't seem to be any reason for you to be friends except for the fact that he doesn't want to let go of you. Just my two cents.
Yup they're right, he's just tweaking the strings again to see if you're still on the line.
Save the e-mails and block his future messages. You've explained already, all he'll understand is silence.
Don't swell on it either, cos then he's still winning. Call a girlfriend, go out and have some fun.
Take care of yourself.
Everything I was gonna comment has been commented on so I am just showing luv.
ttd: you make a good point, you don't have to be friends to be civil. i think a part of me felt like they should happen concurrently. however, i see that's not necessarily true. if things hadn't went down they way they did, we would probably be friends now. oh well...
freaky: you're right, i did mention being scared, even though a part of me is trying not to get too worked up over it. however, never should i feel frightened by anyone who claims to love me. yeah, i see now that the main objective was/is to get my attention. more subtle tactics didn't work, so he felt like he had to go far out. and, actually, i always knew he would have a hard time letting go of me, esp. since he told me as much. but, i never thought it would play out like this.
apprentice: thanks for the advice. you're sooo right, if i ruminate on it too much, he is winning. "swell on it"?--- think about it too much?
ladynay: thanks for showing some love!
Wow- this guy is relentless- and kinda crazy (sounding). And he's in PA?? I hope he doesn't live close to me- lol. Be careful- I also ditto all of these comments/advice.
Ooops, yes "dwell" sorry, slip of finger so to speak, lol! Swell maybe works too as he's busting you brain ;)
I think this is a no brainer but eitehr u gonna hafta change your number get a restraiing order.
julian: yes, he is relentless, and yes, it is kinda scary. before we had our falling out, he did tell me he'd have a hard time letting go of me. so, in a way i'm prepared for this foolishness.
lol @ "i hope he doesn't live close to me."
apprentice: oh, it's ok! i just didn't know it it was a British term or something.
negropino: i need to become informed about the restraining order process. since he doesn't live here and he hasn't actually harmed me, i don't know if that's a possibility. then again, i know nothing about the process... as for changing my #, i've been really trying to avoid that. i just had it changed to a local number a few months ago. it'd been an inconvenience to myself and others if i do that. then again, it may be necessary.
first and foremost i second everything already said.
don't backtrack girl. he's definately trying to have his cake and eat it too. judging from what i've read dude is selfish and is really just looking out for what feels good to him, not neccessarily how it is affecting others.
once upon a time i had to change my number three times to get rid of a guy. in the end i did end up having to get a restraining order too.
Girl let me know if I have to come down there with my shank and hurt a nigga LOL...I feel ya on the random "pop-up" that's what I call a guy who you no longer want to deal with and have since weeded him out but he keeps tryin to pop back in.....tell him that if he pops up you will cut him LOL...
The best way to let a man know you are done with him is to ignore him or ask for the # of one of his boys...
jennaynay: i think i remember you mentioning your stalker story. and you're right, dude is selfish. it's funny how long it takes us to see what's plain as day.
honey-libra: lol @ bringing a shank. girl, you are too pretty to be fightin'! lol... but, yeah, i had been looking over my shoulder every time i came home or left the house. i'm trying not to say anything violent, and just ignore him.
slump facade: i cracked up at the asking for his friend's number. i'd be afraid to mess w/ anyone even associated with him. i've been trying to go the ingore route w/ ify results.
He's going to be in Atlanta just to see you or does he have other "legitimate" business to handle there?
First things first. Eliminate every form of convenient ways to contact you that you can. Save all of the messages of your correspondence especially the ones where you told him to leave you alone. Don't call him...ever. Don't even entertain him by answering the phone when he calls you.
If you must, send him one e-mail telling him that all attempts at contact between you are over and done with. Make sure he knows that the friendship is over. Make sure you know in your mind and your heart that this is the case or it's all pretty much wasted. If he shows up ignore him and call the police.
Post a Comment